Redneck Review

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Bright Idea? Posted by Picasa

This is how we turn on our redneck lamp. The plastic turny part
cracked, and all it would do was spin. This was no good for
turning the lamp off. Of course, Nobody did it. And of course
it was about 2:00 a.m. when I went to turn it off and found out
that it wouldn't work.

I can't leave a lamp on all night. A light, yeah. But not a lamp.
I am sure it will burn the house down. This lamp is in the
haunted basement, where #1 son has decided to sleep all
summer. So I had to go in the workshop part of the basement
to find pliers to get a grip and turn it off.

First I had to unscrew that metal thimble-looking thing that
holds on the shade. It gets kind of hot. Normally, I would turn
off the lamp and let it cool down before removing the shade,
BUT the reason I was removing the shade was to turn off the
lamp. Next I'll be selling my hair to buy a watch fob.

I told my Hillbilly Husband that the lamp was broken. He grunted,
which I think meant, I, too, know what it is like to have a lamp
that won't turn on or off without pliers. I will fix that situation
you as fast as humanly possible, for I love you and above
all wish for you to
be happy and have a lamp that works.
Or not.

After 2 days of plier-lamping, I called HH while he was in Wal-mart.
"Get a lamp." HH said, "I'll get a relay to fix that one." What? Was
he bringing home Wal-mart Associates in their striking blue vests
to run around the basement handing off pliers for speedy lamp
switching? We might even get a strobe effect! But no...he meant
some kind of electrical switch. Which he didn't get. He didn't get
a new lamp, either.

How long do you keep a lamp? I know this one is at least 17 years
old. At what point can you say, "I sure got my money's worth out
of that lamp. Time to get a new one." Especially if the lamp does
not work anymore. HH says it still works--it just needs pliers.

I think I will give him this lamp for his BARn, and get a new one
for my haunted basement.


  • At 4:20 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    Can I ask why you didn't just turn it off at the power point/socket/wall connection?

  • At 10:16 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Because the outlet is behind the couch aka #1 son's summertime bed, and I didn't want to move a whole couch to turn off a lamp.

  • At 6:28 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Every time you tell a HH story, I'm struck speechless at how much he reminds me of my significant other, who has certainly got some redneck running through his veins. I'm not sure if the similarities are because of the redneck or the testosterone.

    Everything still works, no matter how broken it is. He has a mini-fridge in his shop that has been broken since he was in college. He won't throw it away because he says that it's wasteful to throw it away when the main part of it is probably still good and it only needs a fan, or something. The thing is, we don't need a mini-fridge. I could understand if we needed one, and were too broke to buy a new one. But even then he'd have to FIX it. The mini-fridge is just one example of MANY broken, useless pieces of crap in his shop. It'd be different if he would take it apart and salvage the working pieces to sell or something, but that never happens.

    I think all you can do is throw it away while they're not looking, and get a new lamp yourself.

  • At 10:08 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Miss Ann,
    I have a broken microwave if you need it to go with your broken minifridge.
    I think it was one of the first microwaves ever invented. It's about the size of a big-screen TV, a MAXIwave, not a microwave. It reminds me of the Flintstones bird-beak record player.
    It can cook popcorn in 10 minutes...well half the bag of popcorn. The rest will just be unpopped seeds. Once we spent $75 for a part to fix it. Now you could buy 3 whole microwaves for that price. Of course this monstrosity is sitting in our basement, because you never know when you might want some half-popped popcorn and can't drag your lazy butt upstairs to pop it. Forget the fact that the popcorn is stored upstairs, anyway, near the working microwave.

  • At 1:01 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    I love redneck engingeering. Mr. Diva turns on his lawnmower with a screwdriver. Well, he just uses the screwdriver to make a spark. Which I guess is the equivalent of hotwiring, am I right?

    I'd say 17 years with one lamp - yeah you got your money outta that one. Let it go, sister. Let it go.

  • At 1:43 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I used to have a student who started her truck with a screwdriver. Well, she said it was HER truck.


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