Bright Idea?


This is how we turn on our redneck lamp. The plastic turny part
cracked, and all it would do was spin. This was no good for
turning the lamp off. Of course, Nobody did it. And of course
it was about 2:00 a.m. when I went to turn it off and found out
that it wouldn't work.

I can't leave a lamp on all night. A light, yeah. But not a lamp.
I am sure it will burn the house down. This lamp is in the
haunted basement, where #1 son has decided to sleep all
summer. So I had to go in the workshop part of the basement
to find pliers to get a grip and turn it off.

First I had to unscrew that metal thimble-looking thing that
holds on the shade. It gets kind of hot. Normally, I would turn
off the lamp and let it cool down before removing the shade,
BUT the reason I was removing the shade was to turn off the
lamp. Next I'll be selling my hair to buy a watch fob.

I told my Hillbilly Husband that the lamp was broken. He grunted,
which I think meant, I, too, know what it is like to have a lamp
that won't turn on or off without pliers. I will fix that situation
for you as fast as humanly possible, for I love you and above
all wish for you to be happy and have a lamp that works.
Or not.

After 2 days of plier-lamping, I called HH while he was in Wal-mart.
"Get a lamp." HH said, "I'll get a relay to fix that one." What? Was
he bringing home Wal-mart Associates in their striking blue vests
to run around the basement handing off pliers for speedy lamp
switching? We might even get a strobe effect! But no...he meant
some kind of electrical switch. Which he didn't get. He didn't get
a new lamp, either.

How long do you keep a lamp? I know this one is at least 17 years
old. At what point can you say, "I sure got my money's worth out
of that lamp. Time to get a new one." Especially if the lamp does
not work anymore. HH says it still works--it just needs pliers.

I think I will give him this lamp for his BARn, and get a new one
for my haunted basement.