Redneck Review

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Truck Painting, Redneck Style

When Hillbilly Husband was Future Hillbilly Husband, he had a
1965 Chevy pickup truck that was a mess of colors, though mostly
rust and primer. We lived in the same apartment complex, and when
he pulled into the parking lot after picking up his boys for the
weekend, the residents lounging around the pool would say "Here
comes Sanford and Sons." It was like on Cheers, how they would
all yell, "Norm" when George Wendt entered the bar. In case you
are too young (ahem) to remember, Sanford and Son was a sitcom
about a junk man, starring Redd Foxx.

I did not like this truck, because it looked like it should be parked
in a field behind a barn. People stared when we took it anywhere.
I did not want to be seen in it by people I worked with, or my
students and their parents. I preferred that we take my car, but I
didn't want anyone else to drive it. It was MY car. FHH went along
with this at first, but he had a funny look. I asked him what the
problem was, and he said, "I never had a woman that wouldn't let
me drive." Huh! Like a man's place is behind the wheel, because
the inferior woman should let the expert drive.

FHH said he would paint his truck for me. He decided on blue, with
a white top. He chose blue and white because he had a couple cans
of leftover spray paint. He started with my door--the passenger door.
He painted it blue, and the part around the door window white. And
that is all he painted, because he ran out of paint. So now we drove
around like I was royalty behind a blue-and-white freshly-painted
door, and the rest of the truck was still crappy.

Then one of his friends who was living at home with his mom after a
divorce offered him $150 for it, and he sold it. FHH bought a $600
brown Ford, and we lived happily ever after. And now I have an SUV.


  • At 1:17 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    What, no photos of said truck?
    A shame. :-(

  • At 1:34 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I'll have to check through the stacks in the vast Library of Redneck Records to see if any pictures of this truck exist.

  • At 2:41 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    And now I have an SUV.

    Owwwwwch! I did not know I was talking about the HBMom herself, but that's hilarious!!!

    My boyfriend's truck isn't multi-colored or rusted, but I don't like riding in it because A) it's really big and long and it takes about four times of backing up and trying again to fit it into a parking space without hitting the other cars, B) the seats are uncomfortable and make my butt ache-- plus the shocks are shot and you can feel every bump in the road, thus aggravating the butt pain, C) the a/c barely cools, so it's hot and D) it gets about 12 miles per gallon. My car is a 2000 Pontiac Grand Prix Gt. The a/c is kickin, those leather seats not only look good--they provide a lovely cushion for the buttocks, it's a smooth ride, and it gets 25 mpg. When you put it next to his truck, it's the logical choice.

    The only difference is that I insist that he drive my car, and he won't. He says he's afraid he'll wreck it, and sticks to this story despite the fact that I've told him repeatedly that the insurance covers anyone who has my permission to drive it and I honestly wouldn't hold it against him. I've had a couple of fender-benders myself. It happens. That's what insurance is for. I think he's too proud to admit that his truck is inferior.

  • At 11:19 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Hey Miss Ann,
    That's why you got bonus for using SUV in your answer! Our truck now is too long for the garage. And it jars my spine every time we go down our mile of gravel road.


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