Make Yourself At Home

(Hope my links work. I don't know why they are in different colors.
The links, not the disclaimer. I am technologically challenged).

I'm off to Branson this weekend, THE place to be in the summer
if you're a Hillbilly or a Hillbilly-Wanna-Be. Stacy at Outwit, Outblog,
Outsnark was kind enough to invite people to visit me. How did you
know I was going away for the weekend, Stacy? I hope you're not
planning to have one of those Risky Business parties at my house.
You know how that little Tommy Cruise has been crying for
attention lately. And you know that old saying..."While Hillbilly Mom's
away, the mice will play." (Sorry, Redneck Diva, to bring up the
mouse issue).

Sooo....welcome to the Hillbilly Haunted Mansion, or as some call
it, the Redneckville Horror. Sorry I'm not here to host this
hootenanny, but you first-time visitors, feel free to walk around the
estate. Set a spell on the porch. Clothes are optional, since Hubby
has been known to relax on the front porch in just his underwear.
His summer tighty-whities, not his winter red longjohns. And
Finslippy, even though he begs me to call him "Hubs" or "Hubster,"
I think "Hubby" is more fitting to a man of his physique.

Y'all can visit the Hillbilly Fishpond, just off the back deck. If you feel
like skinnydipping, the Redneck Swimming Pool is now filled-up, and
open for business. For those auto buffs, take a look at the
collector truck, or go for a spin in the $300 car. Bring the young'uns?
Turn them loose in the Redneck Kids Clubhouse. Sorry, there will be
no kick-ball this summer.

I hope you haven't been drinking the water or the moonshine while
eyeballing my Redneck memorabilia. If you need to use the facilities,
I'm sorry to have locked you out of the Redneck Bathroom. But you
still have the outhouse and the great outdoors to use for a toilet.

Please don't play with the chipmunks or the possums unless your
tetanus shot has been updated within the last 10 years.

I'll be back in Redneckland Sunday night. Please have your party
mess cleaned up by then, people. Don't make me come over there!

Disclaimer: Not responsible for accidents. Enter at your own risk.
No lifeguard on duty. Boil water before drinking. Moonshine may
cause sudden irreversible blindness. Figures sold separately. Do not
try this at home. Professional driver on closed course. No diving.
May cause intestinal discomfort. For external use only. Batteries
not included. Parental guidance suggested. Must be this tall to enter.
May cause drowsiness. Lather, rinse, repeat.