Redneck Review

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Tales In School

OK, I know the actual saying is "telling tales out of school," but
I won't be doing that today. Looking back at my Redneck Toilet
post, I was reminded of an embarrassing statement my #1 son
made at school.

It was his first-grade year, so he was 6 or 7 years old. He came
home one day and I asked if anything interesting had happened
at school that day.

"Well, in art, Cassie raised her hand and said, "My little brother
goes pee outside."

"Oh, what did the teacher say?"

"He didn't say anything. Then I raised my hand and said, "My
dad goes pee outside."

"Why did you have to announce that to the whole class?"

"Well, it's true."

"Sometimes it's better to keep some things to yourself."

"Well, then, Dad should stop peeing outside."

Now, #1 son would never be caught peeing outside. He is
not like the rest of us hillbilly rednecks. He would hold it for
a week before he would go outside. My husband says, "We
live in the country. Who cares?"

He has an attitude like one of the characters in that movie
The Big Chill. I don't remember if it was Jeff Goldblum or
Kevin Kline, but they were looking at some property and
peed in a field, and one said, "That's the great thing about
the outdoors. It's one big toilet."

Later that week I was getting into my car after school, and
the superintendent said, "Hey, I hear the police were out in
your neighborhood."

I said, "Really?" I wondered what had happened. It's a private
gravel road. The neighbors called the cops one time for some
type of domestic altercation--because hey, we're rednecks,
remember? But I hadn't seen any police recently.

He went on. "Yeah, I understand there was a case of indecent
exposure on your back porch."

Very funny. Let a teacher's kid tell something embarrassing,
and they might as well announce it over the intercom.

So I made a deal with the kid. If he doesn't go to school
telling embarrassing stuff about the family, I won't go to school
telling my classes embarrassing stuff about him. Like his purse,
and his high heels, and grandma putting earrings on him.

He agreed, but I never promised him I wouldn't blog about it.
Stay tuned.


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