Redneck Review

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I Rock!!!

Apparently, I rock. Or I am a rock. This is what a student gave me.
I must be talented. When I play, the music takes form and floats into
the air. Look! You can see it! I think I also have psychoactive
properties. Note the floating dismembered heads. I don't know
if I ooze it, or if you smoke me/lick me/inject me/snort me, but I
am some powerful stuff!

I have a few issues with this artist's rendering. Oh, he's got my body
type correct, but I do not wear my shades in the classroom, and I
do have hair. He's got me playing a left-handed guitar, which is OK,
because I can write with either hand, so I guess I could master the
left-handed guitar as well.

I promise that I did not steal this from another teacher and insert my
name. Really. I had to cover up my real name, silly, because of "Fitty,"
the 55-gallon barrel killer who stalks people like Redneck Diva, who
give too much information in their blogs. So I covered my real name
of Anastasia Beaverhausen--oops! That is Karen on Will&Grace.
And it's not Buck Naked, either. That is George on Seinfeld. I can
not tell you my name, in case one day it shall live in infamy.

If you don't think I rock, I'LL POKE YOU! Well, not really. She
said this pic wasn't all about me, but we know that it is. I have this
mini-fridge in my room, from when I used to sell soda after school
as a fundraiser. There's good money in them there sodas. I bought
3 computers, 2 TVs, 2 DVD players, a VCR, 2 tables, and a lot
of pizza as rewards, all in about 4 years' time. Now I can't sell it,
but I still have the fridge. I put a frowny face on it that says, "Grrr...
Leave me alone!" so the kids wouldn't peep in it while I was out
in the hall supervising. The kid says that is what inspired this pic.

In any case, I think it's best that you leave me "alown," cause I got
me some sharp pointy sticks to do my talkin' for me. It's good to
see that my hair has grown out and that I have slimmed down. But
I am not greedy! How dare she! And I do have a nose, contrary
to what both little Rembrandts show.

Maybe I should save these, along with my Hillbilly Mutant Turtle
Mom pic, and convert one of my Hillbilly Husband's 4 workshops
into an art gallery. There would still be just as much work being
done in the workshops, which is NONE! I could have a showing,
and serve moonshine, and braised-possum-on-a-toothpick, with
canapes of bacon-cheddar EZ Cheese (from the spray can) on
Ritz Crackers, and Philadelphia brand chive-flavored cream cheese
on Club Crackers with a slice of Buddig ham. Mmmm....don't that
get the saliva flowin'? Sounds like a classic redneck art show to me.


  • At 9:27 PM, Blogger Babs said…

    Absolutely! I'll be looking for my invitation to the premire in the mail. It don't get no betta than possum on a stick. "Gopher, Everette."

  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger jules said…

    You know, I actually have the drawings that my preschoolers made of me one year all framed in one of those collage frames. I love looking at my many shapes and forms. On my "fat days", I just go and look at myself as a stick figure and say, "Yep, to a 4 year old...I look like a model."

  • At 7:34 AM, Blogger Misfit Hausfrau said…

    Gotta love the art. My husband and I live for my daughter's artwork. I am Kate Moss skinny and my husband has hair...

  • At 12:45 PM, Blogger Chickadee said…

    I love it!!! How old are the kids and what was the reason for the pictures? Just a spontaneous gift? Those are the best kinds of gifts!

  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Your invite is in the mail. I'll skin an extra possum or two. Unless you're one of those gourmets who like the skin left on.

    I don't know why these students didn't give me a nose. I am always nosing into their business. What's up with that? Keep me updated on your modeling career.

    Misfit Hausfrau,
    You're lucky to have such a gifted little "beholder" to depict your beauty. Wow! A husband with HAIR! Don't be puttin' on airs with me, Missy!

    These were my 6th grade At-Risk students. They had no assignments because it was the last day of the quarter, and I was reading "Bridge to Terabithia" to them. You know kids, they can't just sit and be still. They drew these on their own while I was reading. Sometimes, they are like cats, dragging all sorts of treasures to my desk. But I like them, and I appreciate anything they give me.

  • At 11:05 AM, Blogger MrsCoach2U said…

    Great pics! Love the spelling! Mr. Coach wouldn't have realized it was spelled wrong, seems to be his downfall! He got one that said "Coach $&*%@) Rox R Sox" Guess that means he's cool.........

  • At 6:38 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Yeah, that means he is cool. At least they didn't say he was "pimpin'".

    HH left me a note one time that said "Gone to look for dear." He had some explaining to do.

  • At 8:40 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Deadpanann here to hi-jack your comments section.

    I like it when the kids have a momentary lapse in reason and think I'm cool. A few days ago a kid was passing around his elementary yearbook during class, so I took it up. It stayed in my desk drawer for a few days and Friday morning I was looking through it to see what my students looked like when they were only miniature hellraisers. The front of the yearbook had all these blanks for the kid's personal info, and even though it was his elementary yearbook he had just recently filled in the information. In the blank next to "My favorite teacher is..." he had written "Ms. [Deadpanann]"

    Made my week. Hell, I may be able to go two weeks on that.

    Thanks for letting me make it about me.

  • At 8:58 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Miss Ann,
    I make your comments ALL ME, ALL THE TIME. Why do you think I would mind you doing the same here? Are you trying to tell me something? I ask things like this to my kids all the time, just to keep them on their toes.

    One asked me if I like candy. I was carrying 4 plastic containers of it at the time, because I sold it after school as a fundraiser. I said,
    "What do you mean? Are you saying I'm fat?" She quit asking dumb questions for oh...about 5 minutes.

    Congrats on being the favorite. A 9th grader told me that one morning, and by lunchtime I'd overheard him saying it to 2 other teachers. He happens to be the one who hit me last year. Maybe I should warn them.

  • At 10:43 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    You can't hide from Fitty. Even if you post-it over your name. He knows. He always knows. MUAH AHAHAHAAHAAHHHAHAAAAAAAA

  • At 11:02 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I hear that I'm safe until after Halloween, due to a 55-gallon barrel shortage in the Oklahoma/Missouri area. Fingers are pointing to your red neck of the woods.


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