Redneck Review

Sunday, October 16, 2005

He MOCKS Us!!!

He MOCKS us! The Land-Stealer has moved his ill-gotten lumber
to his own land, and stored it where we can see it from our front
porch! Well, we can see it if we use the zoom on #1 son's camera.
Otherwise, it just looks like this:

As you can see, we are training the boy young 'un to join our hillbilly
militia. Just in case a feud breaks out and all. Since the Land-Stealer
has said he doesn't want to give up the property until after he has a
Halloween party on it, I think he plans to harvest more cedar. He will
probably trim it bald, and then scoop up the topsoil to sell it, too. People
do that around here, you know. They hire a dozer to scrape up the soil,
load it into dump trucks, and sell it. That's your SOIL, people! It's not
growing back for oh, I don't know, maybe millions of years! So we
might be buying a nice 10-acre rock.

#1 son can't be bothered with that thought. He is shooting his Red Ryder
BB gun, 50th anniversary edition. Yeah, I've told him, "You'll shoot your
eye out, kid."

Funny thing is, he's left-handed, but aims with his right eye and shoots
right-handed. Maybe that's why he's shooting at a target he put on the
other side of the tree. I have given up making any sense of what he does.

I have also given up blogging about anything that is interesting. Bear with
me. I will come up with something brilliant one of these days. It's like that
saying, "The sun even shines on a dog's a$$ some days." Well, I never
did understand that saying anyway. But if you stick with me, some day
the sun is going to shine on my a$$, or else I'm going to have a really
interesting post. One or the other. You'll just have to wait to find out.


  • At 4:09 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Ooh, keep an eye on that land stealer. He's up to no good, I can feel it. Oh wait, you already know he's a turd. Nevermind.

    Sam has a RR 50th anniversary bb gun as well. He got it for Christmas when he was a month old. My uncle felt it necessary to start him out young, obviously. He's now nearly 7 and we finally let him use it. He's a pretty good shot, too. Btw, that talent he gets from me, not Mr. Diva. That poor man can't hit a deer in the yard from the porch - and trust me, he's tried. Twice. It's a good thing we don't rely on his hunting skills to feed us. *sigh*

    A guy came to us a few years back wanting to pay us for our topsoil on the 30 acres of field we've got. Wanted to pay us $14,000 for it, too. I was all like "Let's take the money and get out of debt then hit a casino!", but Mr. Diva seemed to think it an unwise move for some reason. Now I understand why, since you said it won't grow back for millions of years. And that is a long time from what I hear.

  • At 1:08 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    I say you should get in first, and concrete over the top of the topsoil first. That way the Land Stealer wont be able to profit from you. Also this will provide a comunity service by making a Skate Park for local kids. Your No.2 Son could set up a lemonade stall, and No.1 could make sure the customers pay.
    Speaking of No.1 Son, he needs to work on his stance for shooting. I'm a bit like him though, I am left handed but shoot right handed (well I use to), I play Pool left handed, or right handed, play golf right handed, but putt left handed, throw a ball right or left handed, yet can only write right handed. Weird!

  • At 1:27 AM, Blogger L said…

    So the gun obsession never goes away with little boys, does it?

    And the Land Stealer, that scoundral!

    BTW I have been reading you for a long time, just never posted, but I have to say that girl you are hilarious!

  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger MrsCoach2U said…

    Bryce is 7 and he shoots the same way, left handed-- right eyed. Which Mr. Coach assures me will pay off someday when he's a Major League Picher........I'd be happy if he could just hit the damned neighbors dog right now!

  • At 8:47 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Are you the hunter who brings home the free cheese trophy to mount on the wall? Provider, smovider, HH can't hit the broad side of his BARn. He doesn't hunt anymore.

    Concrete, yes. Lemonade, no. We'll buy a Sonic franchise with all the money I've saved getting my large Sonic Cherry Diet Coke from my lovaaahhh.

    Hey, You!
    They are all obsessed with guns. Even if they don't shoot them, they must collect them. Thanks for reading. Y'all come back now.

    Do you mind if I call you Mrs.? I have liked that name, ever since I read Junie B. Jones. Will you clap your loud hands at me if I act up?

    We don't shoot the dogs with the kids around, but they better watch it after bedtime. The dogs, not the kids. A black lab ripped the pump off our Hillbilly Fishpond. I've shot him with the Red Ryder, but he looked at me like, "Is that all ya got?"

  • At 9:13 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    OOh ooh! I vote we just start calling Mrs. Coach Mrs., too!!

    I'm a huge Junie B. fan, myself. Abby just finished "Jingle Bells Batman Smells" and she's working on "Boo! And I mean it".

    That crazy Junie B...

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Gotta love the Junie B. My #2 son calls her Junaby Jones. I guess she's now a detective like Barnaby Jones. I laugh out loud at these books. Why should kids have all the fun?


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