Redneck Review

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Procrastinating 101

I am quite qualified to teach this class. I put things off. I always have.
I think that's a characteristic of Aquarians. I think. I'm going to look
it up one of these days.

Right now I should be laying out the boys' clothes for school tomorrow,
and packing part of the lunches, and doing a load of laundry. Nawww...
here I sit, blogging a post that I could have done earlier today. But I
didn't have a subject in mind. And I asked Hillbilly Husband to bring
me a Sonic Cherry Diet Coke when he went to buy some insulation
for his BARn and a tire for #1 son's car. Oh, he brought me a soda.
It was not my beloved Cherry Diet Coke. It was a Strawberry Diet
Coke, which was just plain nasty. It was all I could do to drink the
whole thing. That threw me off my schedule.

I spent part of the day reading an autobiography of Dolly Parton. Did
you know she is worth $110 million? She made $8 million from one
song alone: "I Will Always Love You," recorded by Whitney Houston.
Here's a little joke from the book that made me laugh out loud. Seems
that once Dolly got rich, she hired a decorator for her home. He put
in some Buddha statues. Dolly's mother came for a visit. Dolly had to
go somewhere, and when she came home, the Buddhas were on the
front lawn. Her mama said, "I won't have no child of mine worshipping
false idols." Dolly's husband, Carl, said, "Your mama's right. I'll just
put them in the barn." (They had every intention of bringing them back
once Mama left).

Dolly told Carl that they would humor her, because she was her mama,
and you have to honor you mother and father, it says so in the Bible.
She also told Carl that the groundhog foot her mama wore around her
neck on a little chain was as offensive to her as the Buddhas were to
Mama. She had mentioned it before, but Mama told her: "Your Daddy
killed this groundhog and I cooked it for supper. Daddy said it was the
best groundhog I ever cooked. We had such a good time later that
evening that I wear this to remember it by."

So Dolly went in to cook supper, and her mama was sitting at the table
watching when Carl came in. He was wearing a heavy chain with 2-inch
links that hung down to his knees. And at the bottom, with the chain
running in and out of the eye sockets, was the skull of a cow. Nobody
said anything about it. They ate supper and Carl wore it all night. It was
their private joke and a way to get to Mama.

But I digress. What was this post about? Ah, yes...procrastination. I
went through the boys' backpacks, and found a survey about school
climate. One for the parent, and one for the child. Like a 2nd grader
knows how to answer one of those. So I asked #2 son the questions
in his own language, and filled in his answers. I said, "Do the kids bring
weapons to school? You know, things that could hurt you, like guns
or knives...?" And #2 replied, "Well, Sydney brought that alligator
head with the teeth still in it!" I guess that was a "yes."

And that's all, folks. All I've got time for tonight. #1 son is hollering
for me to come sit with him while he falls asleep. Big baby. I will get
there in a minute...


  • At 5:08 AM, Blogger Misha said…

    If you're qualified to teach Procrastination 101, I guarantee i'd be your best student. That is, if I remembered to show up to class, and did the homework instead of being down at the pub.

    I am seriously the Queen of Procrastination.

  • At 5:41 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    Is Dolly World still open for business?

  • At 7:45 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I will give you an "A" in advance. That way I don't have to put off grading your papers.

    It is Dollywood. I have never been there, but I hear it is thriving. She also has 4 "Dixie Stampede" thingies, which is a live show of people on horseback while you eat dinner with your hands. It's really better than it sounds. I've been to the one in Branson, Missouri, a few times. If you sit on the front row, the horses sometimes throw dirt clods onto your plate. At least I think it was dirt clods. YeeHaw!

  • At 5:03 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Dixie Stampede rocks. Her boobs are just scary, though.

  • At 9:42 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I agree on both counts. I wish Dolly had a Branson show. I heart Dolly like you heart Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

  • At 1:26 PM, Blogger MrsCoach2U said…

    I for one don't have a problem with the boobs. I wish I could have her hand-me-down bra's. I'd write her a letter, but I'd never get around to actually mailing it. Plus it would probably rate up there with asking for panties.....


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