Redneck Review

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Substitute Subject

This is very sad. I have no life. I have spent about an hour trying to
post 2 pictures, and nothing will work. This stupid blogger photo
thingy does nothing. I tried Hello! Goodbye, Hello, because you
are not working either. I am spittin' mad. I demand to get my money's
worth from Blogger. What's that? It's free? ...never mind.

What can I talk about now? How about substitutes? They are not
as good as the real thing.

If you don't have milk for your cereal, you can substitute
water. I don't recommend it, though.

No milk for the mac & cheese? Put in extra butter...well, actually,
margarine, which is already a substitute for butter.

Did the screw fall out of your glasses? Try one of those little gold
safety pins.

Out of cat food? They'll eat those fish food pellets, and like them.

No syrup for your Bisquick pancakes? Mix the batter with some
fruit salad and the juice, then serve the finished product with sugar
sprinkled on top.

Make-up not permitted? Try some mercurochrome on the lips,
burnt matches for eyeliner, pinch your cheeks for rouge, and use
flour for powder. That's what Dolly Parton did, and her mama
asked her, "What you gonna do if you sweat, break out in biscuits?"

Exhaust pipe falling off your car? Duct tape it, and support it with
a bent coat hanger. It will last about 10 seconds until the duct tape
melts, and the roar of the muffler returns.

Can't find a rest stop on the highway? Substitute a McDonalds cup
---while you're driving, and you're a woman. An acquaintance says
this is hard to explain when the police pull you over.

No sled? Chain an old car hood to a Jeep and ride on it. The chance
of being decapitated is higher than with an actual sled.

No braces? Bend a paperclip and jam it around your teeth. That's
what my students do.

Need a winter scarf? An old lady in Redneckland was spotted wearing
an old pair of pantyhose wrapped around her neck. No, it was not me.

No respect? Wave a pointy stick. Actually, that was going to be today's
subject. Maybe I can try again tomorrow.


  • At 10:40 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Try Flickr. Tons better than Hello. I never could get Hello to work for me.

  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger Chickadee said…

    Wow, you're pretty creative! LOL. Great post.

  • At 8:23 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I was tempted to Flicker, but decided to Blogger. It worked tonight, after about 10 minutes.

    Chickadee, I can't think of anything creative to say. Thanks for the compliment. A little birdie told me you have good taste.

  • At 12:00 AM, Blogger jules said…

    Okay, so did you run into a substitute at school today...thus the rant????

  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    As a matter of fact, one of my buddies was gone, and that reminded me that a sub is not the real thing. No issues with this sub, though. He is our best one. He makes the kids stand in the corner for trying to sleep in class. Guess what? They don't like him!


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