Redneck Review

Thursday, September 22, 2005

These People Are Nuts

I have had some odd encounters in the last few days. Let the games
begin, shall we?

Exhibit A: My Hillbilly Mama.
She does everything for me. She changed her plans so she could
pick up my kids and take them to the doctor on Monday and Tuesday.
She is keeping them all day tomorrow because school is out for an
inservice day. Today, she had to do my sister's dirty work...pick up
medicine for her 16-year-old daughter. The doctor told her it is over-
the-counter medicine, but that they might question her.

So why am I saying she's nuts? She called me at my lunchtime (have
I mentioned that it's at 10 freakin' 40 am?) and said she has never
been so embarrassed. She had to pick up some Drixoral at Walmart.
They demanded her driver's license. They may or may not have taken
a picture. She was kind of flustered. "I don't look very good today.
I haven't fixed my hair and it's all frizzy. I must look like one of those
people who makes the meth."

Exhibit B: Student
If I don't do any work at all and move, will the school send my missing
work to the new school?
No. But they will send your grades of 0% with your transcripts.
Oh. Why would they need that?
Because they average them with the work you won't do there.
Well, my brother did it, and that's the only way he graduated. They
never asked for his records.
That sounds odd. I have never heard of a school that doesn't want the
records and credits from the previous school.
If I move to another country, will they ask for my transcripts?
I don't know. Depends on the country, I guess.
(Note: never, ever, ask the country, because the answer will always,
always be "Amsterdam.")

Exhibit C: Student
Do you know those speed bumps over at the elementary school?
Yes, I am familiar with them. I drop my kids off there every day.
Well, my bus driver goes over them too fast, and it bounces us
around. I think it broke my rib.
I don't think the bus could have bounced enough to break your rib.
One time, I was riding a 4-wheeler too fast, and I knocked some
ribs out of place.
I don't think ribs can come out of place. They are attached.
Well, the doctor said they were out of place, and he stood behind
me and reached his arms around my arms, and popped them back
in place.
Maybe that was a chiropractor adjusting a spinal disc.
No, it was my ribs that popped out of place.

Exhibit D: Student
My grandpa had something wrong with his eyes one time. They
kept getting red and swelling shut. His doctor said he might have
Cat's Eye.
What is Cat's Eye?
It's when you have a lot of cats, and a piece of cat hair gets stuck
up under your eyelid, and you don't even know it's there.

Exhibit E: Student
Hey, do you know so-and-so?
Yes, I know who she is.
She's quitting school in two weeks.
Thanks for sharing.
On the last day, she's going to start a food fight during lunch.
Good to know.
Don't tell Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, stupid!
Too late. I've already got the secret information.

Bwahaha! Give them enough rope....

Sorry, Hillbilly Mama, for calling you "nuts." It is not referred to as
the meth, Mom. It is methamphetamine, or just meth. Not the meth.
Maybe tomorrow we will have a lesson about the pot. And if Sis
tells you she needs you to buy some cigarette papers for her son,
just say no.


  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Lessa said…

    Man - I must look like I make the meth too! I got carded for nyquel and they wouldn't let me buy more then 1 bottle!

    In other news - you can 'displace' a rib, least that's what the doc told my husband a year or so ago. It's still attached, but kinda pops out of it's little pocket where it nestles against the sternum.... or something. It's been a while, and well, my husband never was one to have a 'normal' injury, so the doc could have been messing with us. *heh*

  • At 8:52 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    That's a new one. I have heard of costalchondritis or something like that, which is inflammation where the ribs hook onto the sternum. But I didn't know they could pop out. Now I might have to believe what my students tell me. Nawwww!

    I'm sure my students know how to make "The Meth." One of them asked the middle school math teacher if she knew how, and she said, "Of course. My husband is a truck driver." I hope they knew she was joking.

  • At 10:00 AM, Blogger Irish Divinity said…

    I actually had a rib "pop" out of place a while back, it was very painful and when the Dr. told me this I thought he was kidding, but he said it was a real issue. Weird.

  • At 7:48 PM, Blogger Babs said…

    Yes, ribs popping out of place is a real issue. I had a back rib pop out of place about . . . OH MY GOSH . . . that was 15 years ago! Anyway, it is really painful. To this day I have to make sure the muscles surrounding the rib stay relaxed so I can pop it back in place myself when it begins to shift.

    Lessa is right - it wasn't the normal injury. Irish Divinity is also right; it's weird.

  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Great googly moogly! The world is just crawling with you freaky rib-popping- out people!

    I HATE it when one of my students is right! PLEASE don't tell me there are schools that don't ask for transcripts and will pass you and graduate you even if you do absolutely nothing.

  • At 10:12 PM, Blogger Brian said…

    *Laugh* Why does all of this sound so familiar to me?

  • At 11:25 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    HBMOM, there are schools who don't require transcripts and will graduate you without requiring you to do anything.

    I'm sorry.


  • At 11:46 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…


    I asked you not to tell me that. And I even said please.

    I get no respect. One Halloween, I waited in the car while my Hillbilly Husband took the boy young 'uns door to door. Some kids soaped the car. WITH ME IN IT!!!

    Like my dog gets no respect. He was standing at the end of the driveway as a neighbor dog ran after his master on a 4-wheeler. Neighbor dog stopped to pee. ON my dog. He just stood there and took it. My dog is a pussy.

  • At 1:18 PM, Blogger Greek Shadow said…

    A couple of years ago in my Street Law class one of my students said his uncle had been arrested and his attorney advised him to claim diminished capacity due to a head injury. So he had his wife hit him in the head with a cast iron skillit as proof of the injury. I told the student I would rather go to prison than let an already pissed off wife hit me with a skillit.

  • At 3:19 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Greek Shadow,
    Students told me a bus driver warned them to sit down and get out of the aisle, and when they didn't, she slammed on the brakes and they went flying. Another student said, "Man, I wish I'd been on there. I would've slammed my head on the back of a seat and got a concussion. Then I could sue the school."


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