Redneck Review

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Will I Pass?

Be afraid. Be very afraid for your future. The future that is the youth
of America. When you are old and feeble and demented in a nursing
home, these are the people who will be wiping your butt. Here are
some some of today's conversations...

If I don't do anything all year, will I pass?
Will they hold me back?
This is high school. They don't hold you back.
You mean I will go on and be a sophomore?
You can call yourself anything you want. You can spend four years
doing nothing, and call yourself a senior. But you will still have zero
credits, and must have 24 to graduate.

Will they send me back to 8th grade?
Nooooo...They already sent you over here. They don't want you back.
Good. I did nothing all last year, too.
That's nothing to brag about.
I think when I get to16, I'll quit.
It's good to have a goal in life.
Your mom ain't gonna let you quit.
No. But if I move with my other mom and dad, I can.

Sorry, I know it is my job to keep these kids in school, but I just
can't play that game where they want you to beg them not to drop
out. I would rather spend my time helping those who respond and
make an effort.


Are your sinuses in your nose?
No. They're around your cheeks and forehead.
I didn't think so, but there's this know-it-all girl in my class, and
she said I shouldn't pierce my friend's nose because it would mess

up her sinuses.
Didn't you do your own root canal with a paperclip?
Yeah, I got tired of that temporary filling breaking off. It didn't hurt.
I guess the root was dead already. I picked it out.
So now you're branching off into piercings?
Well, my friend went to this guy to get some not really common
piercings, if you know what I mean, and he kept making comments,
and he also pierced her lip and blood poured out all over and he
said it was normal, and it isn't. And then, she found out he was, like,
her boyfriend's stepdad. And he
wasn't even licensed!
As opposed to you.
Well, I know what I'm doing.


And then he said I have 30% less brain than everyone else.
Who said that?
The doctor. I went to get tested for ADHD yesterday.
I have ADHD.
You do? I've had it for years. What medicine do you take?
I don't take medicine for it. I just have it.

OK, what is going on around here? Can people still get money for
having kids with some kind of medical problem or learning disability?
Because if I remember right, they used to get a Social Security
disability check for that. So way too many people wanted their kids
tested, and wanted them to have something wrong, so they coached
them on how to act. I thought this had stopped.

Sorry, now I don't have time for the crook and the broken window
and the hit list story. Maybe another day.


  • At 10:37 PM, Blogger Rachy said…

    I would make a comment but I am laughing too hard!

  • At 3:58 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    Why not say to the kids, "What is your ideal job?" When they answer, tell them if by the end of the week, they actually have that job, then you will give them all A's.

  • At 2:17 PM, Blogger Rachy said…

    what if one of them say schoolyard pimp y'all?!

  • At 5:40 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Well, I would have to specify that they would have to get PAID for the job. Because many would tell me "Play video games" or "Watch TV all day." So they might say they have that job, but I would need to see the pay stub.

    A couple years ago, the boys were having a contest of how many girls they could have sex with. The girls even knew about it, but if a guy asked her out, she thought SHE was different, and that she wasn't part of the contest. Dirty dogs. One guy had 24 shortly after Christmas. That is about a girl a week. They thought we didn't know about it, but they were always talking and writing notes about it. Some had parties where a parent furnished the alcohol. Redneck pimps.


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