Redneck Review

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

My New Enemy

I have now let SBC off the hook for telling me nothing was wrong
with my phone and dragging out repairs for 2 weeks. They came
back a couple Saturdays ago and buried my new phone line in
its shallow grave. There were two guys who did it. They were
not wearing shirts. It was a good look for them.

My new enemy is UPS. The Unqualified People Shipping company.
With the little brown truck. Every time I get a package through them,
it is crushed and has been opened. WTF? At first, I thought maybe
Amazon recycled their used boxes. But that does not explain why
every package has been opened and taped back together. And not
very well, I might add. I could do a better job if I was snooping in
people's stuff. What gives? Only two things have ever been missing
in the last 5 years. One DVD never arrived at all, and the other had
a book missing from the box.

Here is the latest pain in my a$$. It has been crushed and it has
been opened. I took several pictures in case I get into a dispute
with You're dying to know what's in it, aren't you?
Should I make you wait until Christmas? Oh, OK. It's a scale.
Not an everyday spring scale. A $60 electronic scale. I do not
claim to be an expert on scales, but I do not think an electronic
scale should be subjected to such rough treatment. I haven't
opened it yet. There may not even be scales inside. It may be
that "Fitty" has given up on the 55-gallon barrels and is now
shipping body parts through UPS.

See, the whole reason for this scale is that we have a regular
spring scale, but it is not quite accurate. That is because my
hillbilly children see a spring scale, and think: Hey, a trampoline!
Watch me! Listen to it rattle! This is like that hammer thing at
the Labor Day Picnic! You know, the one where you hit it as

hard as you can, and see how high that thing goes! Look! I can
make myself weigh over 100! comes Mom! Get
off! Act like we weren't doing anything! And that is why this
scale is accurate within 12-15 pounds. It depends on where you
set it, and which way you lean.

These Unqualified People Shipping need to perfect their thieving
techniques. At least take off the whole piece of tape and replace
it. Don't try to sneak a peek and then drape the tape back almost
where it goes. Helloooo! I can see where you've ripped off the
cardboard with the tape. Try slitting the tape with a box cutter,
and then taping over it. That won't be as obvious.

I think I will order some honey bees. Do you think they would
escape if the box was opened?


  • At 4:41 AM, Blogger Misha said…

    Bees sound good. Killer bees would probably do a better job though. Or a rattlesnake.

    I don't understand how they get away with it at UPS. I've had a lot of stuff delivered to my home and the Australian postal service have never ever opened up the box. If they did i'd definitely be filing formal complaints and whatnot.

    Is it because they are just trying to make sure there is nothing 'untoward' in the package? I'd be seriously looking into filing complaints, or at least a nasty letter or something.

  • At 5:53 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I don't know the point in opening them. Nothing is missing. Just nosy, I guess.

    It's not like I'm ordering exotic animals, or drugs from out of the country. What could I possibly have that people want?

    I'll take a few pictures for evidence, then send them a bitchy letter. That'll learn 'em not to mess with Hillbilly Mom!

  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Misha read my mind--I was going to suggest a rattlesnake.

    I've never had bad luck with UPS but the USPS has screwed me a time or two. Take what happened today for example.

    I had to get a P.O. box because they're too picky to deliver mail to my mailbox because it's a few inches too tall or something, and I don't have the tools or the desire to fix the problem. A few days ago I bought a bottle of makeup on Ebay, and it was shipped USPS. It was in a small box but it was just a liiiiittle too wide to fit into the P.O. box. They crammed it in there anyway. I couldn't get it out, and I spent about 15 minutes tugging on it with the help of a kind hearted passer by. Finally, I just tore the box open and pulled the bottle of makeup out, then pushed the empty box through the back end of the P.O. box and onto their floor.


  • At 8:55 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Miss Ann,
    I used to have a PO box. It was #104. I was constantly getting mail (including checks) for local radio station B104. Go figure. They had a totally different box number.


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