Redneck Review

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunday Shopping

Today's shopping trip was not too eventful. #1 son and I took off
for Wal-mart, leaving #2 under the not-so-watchful eye of Hillbilly
Husband. The kid was wearing jeans, flip-flops, and no shirt when
I left. It was 62 degrees. (Fahrenheit, Rebecca. We are not on the
surface of the sun, just in the northern hemisphere.) That kid has a
fashion style all his own.

We found some carpet remnants for $6.99. They will be good for
the boys to sit on playing GameCube this winter, on the cold tile
floor of the basement. Then we browsed the CDs for some old
country music, because I watched CMT last night, the 100 Greatest
Duets or some such thing. That always puts me in the mood for some
old country music. We got a little Loretta Lynn, Conway Twitty,
and George Jones.

The grocery shopping part wasn't so much fun. It becomes tedious
after doing it every week for my whole freakin' life. I really hate

We made a detour to Hillbilly Mama's house so #1 could fix her
computer. The connection had come loose between the monitor
and whatever it hooks to. HM wasn't there. She's a good church-
goin' woman. We hung around until she got home so #1 could show
her his new haircut. He had to buy some spray gel at Wal-mart so
he can stand it up in front.

#1 son went to a little girl's birthday party yesterday. She was 11.
He was the only boy invited. She's had a crush on him since
first grade. At Thanksgiving that year, the teacher had them
stand up and say something they were thankful for. She stood up
and said, "I'm thankful that I'm in love with #1." He denies it now.
I told him I hoped there really was a party, because his invitation
was written in pencil on a folded piece of notebook paper. He
said he had a good time, except when the girls put ice down his
shirt. I said it was a button-down shirt, didn't the ice just fall out
the bottom? Oh, no, he said. He was wearing his GameBoy belt
(fanny-pack) and the ice got stuck. Sucks to be a nerd sometimes,
I guess.

Next we were off to Sonic. I could tell by the voice at the drive-thru
that my boy-man was working. I ordered a Large Cherry Diet Coke
and a large cup of ice. He repeated the order back, and said "That'll
be $1.50." What? It's supposed to be $1.83. I thought maybe he
misunderstood, and was giving me a medium soda. But then again,
I remembered how he always gives me special treatment, what with
wanting to get some and all. We pulled up to the window, and he
reached out his hand for the money. I gave him a dollar and five dimes.
He shook his head and said, "You always want to give me too much
money! It was $1.07." He gave me back the change. Then he gave
me a Large Cherry Diet Coke, and a Route 44 cup of ice. Yep. He's
still burning with the "gotta-get-me-some-Hillbilly-Mom-itis" fever.
It probably didn't help matters that we had put in the Conway Twitty
CD, and were playing "I'd Just Love to Lay You Down." Anyhoo,
this little interaction just made my day. And I saved about a dollar.

Can't beat that with a stick--a little flirtin' and a little savin' go a long
way with an old hillbilly hag.


  • At 6:08 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Daaaaaang, girl! Work that thang!

    You know, I'm not a classic country music fan and I don't particuarly like Conway Twitty, but there's just something about hearing his voice say that he'd love to lay me down . . . mmmm hmmm.

    Dierks Bentley has a new song that says "Come a little closer, baby. I feel like layin' you down." I nearly melt. Of course, if Mr. Diva said he'd like to lay me down I'm just sure I'd laugh. Not at him, but at the sheer corniness of it all. Oh well. Fantasies are good as long as they stay fantasies sometimes.

  • At 6:40 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi HIllbilly Mom,
    It's not like you are working it for a 90% discount on timber, but you are still working it girl!
    Keep that toyboy on a string and play him like a puppet.

  • At 6:47 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    I forgot to add, I am well aware of your weird system of working out how hot it is, your 67 is my 16.6.
    Now if I remember correctly, you hang a week old racoon from the nearest apple tree, and after 26.17 seconds, you divide the number of maggots, by the number of apples on the tree, multiply by the square root of your heart beat, then subtract 7. This is what you call Fahrenheit.

  • At 10:41 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Maybe tomorrow I can play him the Bellamy Brothers' "Do you love as good as you look?" It goes a little somethin' like this...

    If you could read my mind, you might blush blood red.

    But then again you might come over here instead.

    Judging from the cover, I'd love to read the book.

    Honey do you looooooooooove as good as you look.

    Yeah, well, it's better with the music. What if he's just a little "slow" and can't do math or take orders? Then I'll feel bad for making him into a Romeo. Or me into a Mrs. Robinson.

    Yes, you are better at workin' it than I am. A dollar and some extra ice does not compare to bed lumber.

    Your Fahrenheit/Celsius conversion scale is about right. I think there are the numbers 9/5 or 5/9 and a + or - 32 in there somewhere.

    Believe it or not, I used to figure it in my head twice a day. We had a car with the temp. in the mirror, and the Fahrenheit part was broken. My #1 son asked me every day what the "real" temp. was. Like it mattered. He was 5. It's not like he had to dress himself or plan a vacation or anything.

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Redneck Diva,

    when they try one of those lines in real life, it's just embarassing and awkward for both people. or so I've heard.

    Hillbilly Mom,

    You've gotten me started on diet cherry cokes. Those diet cherry limeaids just weren't that great, so I ordered a diet cherry coke and now I'm hooked....

    So hooked in fact that I now need something stronger to get the same high. Yesterday I ordered one with "extra cherry stuff" and I have to say that's a good way to get your cherry buzz one. But then again, I don't have a hunky Sonic boy to meet my needs. I paid the full $1.83 too.


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