Redneck Review

Monday, September 12, 2005

Revenge

Have any of you been to Rebecca's site and seen how she stole
my soul for profit?





















It has been said that revenge is a dish best served cold. I prefer
to serve up my revenge piping hot, on a cheap paper plate so
that the grease leaks through, with side orders of boiled possum,
creamed-corn casserole, peas, and deep-fried MUSHROOMS.
Eat up, Bec. This one's for you.

A little bird told me that Rebecca has certain wishes. A little bird
that was kind of pissed off because he was used as a crash dummy
in an experiment designed by the wicked, twisted mind of Rebecca,
and penned by her own evil hand.















That's him on the left. With his pitiful shattered beak, he whispered
the true desires of Rebecca to me, in his last dying breath:

Rebecca wants...her bike back. And she's not getting it. I dismantled
it and buried the evidence in a 55-gallon barrel.

Rebecca wants...to be seen as a normal person, despite her...
life of crime cheating hardware stores out of lumber for her
giant bed.

Rebecca wants...to do 30 things. 28 of them are to embarrass
Hillbilly Mom. Another is to become a MUSHROOM taster
on the "Mushroom or Toadstool: You Be the Judge" reality show.
Lastly, she would like to be hired as an aloe vera tester, because
she just can't get enough of that stuff.

Rebecca wants...to have you over for dinner. That's the good news.
The bad news is that she would like you to bring a nice Chianti and
some fava beans.

Rebecca wants...to be a hacker, but English is a big stumbling block
for her.
She might be trying to say she wants to be a hooker. Or
someone who chops up bodies to put in 55-gallon barrels. In any
case, she does not need a block to stumble over, her feet will do.

Rebecca wants...to know what foreigners think about chopsticks.
OK, it will speak for the foreigners: Stop calling us foreigners or
we will jam those chopsticks where the sun don't shine.

Rebecca wants...to make something of herself, but all she knows
how to do is dress well and throw a great party.
If by dressing
well you mean wearing size 13 shoes and by throwing a party
you mean eating a whole pizza while rebuilding a giant bed with
lumber that you ripped off from Idiots R Us by distracting the
salesman by dressing so well.

Rebecca wants...the money for a cell phone and a pool. Because
with a cell phone she will look cool, and we all know that cell phones
go with pools like mushrooms go with aloe vera.

Rebecca wants...to buy some cushions, so they go shopping providing
she walks at least 10 yards behind.
In case she hits that stumbling block.

Rebecca wants...to run across the minefield successfully, then she would
know where the mines are so she can avoid them.
But if she has run
across successfully, why would she need to avoid them? That is why
Rebecca is not allowed to teach Logic courses at university.

Shh...don't tell anyone Bec's secrets. Look what happened to Mr. Birdie.
And that was before he told. I think Mr. Google should join the Witness
Protection Program immediately.

And don't tell her that it is STILL OOOONNNNNNN!!!!! My revenge
has not yet reached its zenith. Oh, you may think you'll be reading about
my boy young 'uns, or my Hillbilly Husband...but then WHAM! It's all
about Rebecca! Bwah ha ha.....

4 Comments:

  • At 3:14 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Ohhhh the laughing! Make it stop! I'm waking up the children!

    Chianti and fava beans...

    I'm still chuckling.

     
  • At 8:16 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    Don't worry, I will get you back soon enough, and this time, I'm going all out! :-P
    Oh and Diva, your T-Shirt is on the way.
    HooRoo
    Bec

     
  • At 10:52 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Diva,
    I know how you loves you some Google antics.

    Bec,
    I'm sure you will. Hmm...what more do you have to work with? I shall plan a counterattack in advance. Bwah ha ha!

     
  • At 7:13 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Oh my gawd I have GOT to have a T-shirt exactly like that!

     

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