Redneck Review

Thursday, September 08, 2005

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...'s a quack redneck doctor! Hillbilly Husband is in a local redneck
hospital tonight. It wasn't so much the pneumonia that went untreated
for 2 weeks because the doctor's receptionist "forgot" to call him
with the results of his blood test, or the torn cartilage in his knee
that mysteriously stopped hurting on Wednesday. It was the new
pain in his foot, which turned out to be cellulitis. A foot specialist
told him he will be in the hospital until Monday, unless there are

This foot lady told HH that she did not see any signs of injury to
the skin that could have led to cellulitis. He asked if it could be
related to the pneumonia. She said it was possible, but sometimes
they never find out what caused it. Hmm....sounds quacky to me.

My Hillbilly Mama said HH is in the better of the two local hospitals.
I hope so. He had been there an hour and a half and still had no
IV or antibiotics or pain meds when I saw him. The phlebotomist
came in and said, "Ya don't got diabetes, do ya? You're supposed
to be in Bed One. You're Mr. Somethingorother, aren't you?" She
was looking for some other guy. Then she said, "Oh, I guess he went
home." Don't they need to keep track of that kind of stuff? I called
back to later to give them information on HH's prescriptions, and a
petulant nurse said, "This is Kim. Hold on." Then I was cut off. Ain't
my phone now, folks.

HH said he picked up his little plastic jug urinal thingy, and when he
took off the lid, there was some yellow liquid in it. He called the
nurse, who was a male RN, who said, "You've got to be kidding."
HH said he wished. HH said Man-nurse left the room " with a
murdering look that you say I have sometimes." (Fitty? Do you
live in these here parts?)

HH also said Man-nurse tried twice to get the IV in, and had a
girly-nurse try it, and finally they got it in somewhere. They told
him maybe it was because of the pain. Do your veins clench up
when you're in pain? That's a new one for me. Cause don't they
usually just pop it in where it's just a vein under the skin, not go
drillin' down deep in some tense muscle?

#1 son found out after school that HH was in the hospital. On
the way over there, he said, "I'm not trying to be mean or anything,
but if Dad isn't OK, are you going to look for someone else?"
I said, "Let's let the body get cold first, then we'll think about
that." Now don't everybody go calling 1-800-BAD-MOM.
It was a joke. #1 can take a joke.

#2 son waited all of 2 minutes of visiting HH, and said, "Can't
we go now?" Good gracious, them boy young 'uns loves their
Daddy! HH took it pretty well. And on the way home, #1 even
said, "Mom, as long as Dad's in the hospital, can you not mock
him? As soon as he gets out, we'll need to do it again, though."

So I am glad that HH called the doctor again, and hounded them
until they would see him about that foot thingy, because this morning
it looked normal. No swelling, no redness. Nothing. Except he said
the pain was excruciating. By the time I saw him this afternoon, that
foot was puffy and red and hot. Good thing he didn't go yesterday
when there was nothing to see, or no doubt they would have sent
him home again to wait out another weekend.



  • At 5:37 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    HI Hillbilly Mom,
    I would say to just kill him, and get it over and done with, but then we wouldn't get to read such great blogging.
    BTW, if your number 1 son ever runs for President, I'm migrating so I can vote for him. Nothing against number 2 son who may want to be Prez, I just see him more as a Governor.

  • At 8:42 AM, Blogger Misha said…

    Oh geez. This makes me a little angry, because the medical staff are dealing with people's LIVES, and it doesn't seem like they're taking your husband's situation very seriously :(

    Don't berate your sons for wanting to leave. I'm the same in some respect - hospitals are really depressing places and it rubs off on people. I hate hospitals.

  • At 10:48 AM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Good grief girl...your life is so exciting!!

    My unc was in the hospital a year or so ago with cellulitis in his leg. He said the pain was horrible.

    I'm with Bec - if #1 Son becomes President I'm migrating. Wait. I'm already here. Okay, so I'll vote for him.

  • At 11:15 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Well, I am in the no-mock mode for the duration of the hospital stay. #1 acts like a politician, but his goal is to be the next Bill Gates.

    #2 may have a better chance at being President than #1. Today he got caught cheating on his 2nd grade spelling test. I don't know why--he gets A's. Maybe that is how. Anyway, we told him, "Not only are you a cheater--you are a bad cheater, because you got caught." He says he sees the error of his ways, and won't do it again. Because he lost his GameBoy for a day. And next time it will be for a week. HE EVEN TRIED TO BARGAIN BY GIVING UP LITTLE BEAR! Nope. GameBoy is the bargaining chip.

    The boys' high point today was when the nurse made the bed with the TV remote under the sheet. It was like a treasure hunt to find it.

    Yes, vote for #1. I'll be his campaign manager. I'll write slogans:

    A Body in Every Barrel.

    A Shallow Grave in Every Yard.

    Your secrets are safe with my administration.


Post a Comment

<< Home