Redneck Review

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

HH, Drinking Teacher, and the Accidental Kiss

No, these three things are not related, but they are what I have to
talk about today.

My Hillbilly Husband got a reprieve from the hospital admission.
He still has pneumonia, but he got a shot in the butt and an $8.00
inhaler, and a stay of admission until Thursday. And also two days
off from work. Well, I'll be working, so he'll have to find new guests
for his pity party.

HH got his knee report from the radiologist. A torn cartilage. WooHoo!
Ain't I smart? I diagnosed it. Well, I had one myself twice. And I
might as well mention that I thought it was the medial meniscus, but
it is the lateral meniscus. Well, I always say, a meniscus is a meniscus.
He goes next Tuesday to see an orthopedic surgeon about it.

Next on the agenda...third hour today one of my older students said,
out of the blue, "I saw Mr. X at the Labor Day Picnic, and he was
drinking beer. He had one of those pitchers, carrying it around."
Okaaayyy. What am I supposed to say to that? I mean, teachers
have lives too, you know. It was not a school event, but in the city
park of a neighboring town. I just kind of shrugged, and said, "A lot
of people go to the Labor Day Picnic."

Here is what I wanted to say. I don't doubt that Mr. X has been
known to drink a beer. I DO doubt that he was walking around
with a pitcher, because Mr. X is known for you say...
CHEAP! He is the guy who brings a loaf of white bread to the
Thanksgiving potluck dinner. But thank goodness he doesn't
that icky creamed corn and cornmeal mush milky slushy
that I bit into and wanted to spit out. (I think I just
threw up a little bit in my mouth. Sorry, Mabel, I know your buddy
brought one of those TWO corny casseroles, but it was the worst
thing I ever tasted, and that includes the cold mushy peas that my dad
forced me to eat when I was 8, four hours after supper, sitting in the
dark kitchen of our 50-foot trailer home, until it was bedtime and I had
to eat them before I could get up from the table. It's not child abuse,
people, just redneck child-rearin').

And the final story, which I think wins the prize for the most
interesting student statement today, even over the beer-drinking:
"Oh, I kissed him by accident one time in fifth grade!"

Yeah, right. I don't buy it. Kissing by accident. Here's the story.
It seems this little girl hated this boy who sat in front of her. She
was going "blah, blah, blah" and making faces at the back of
his head while he was griping about her to the boy in front of
him. He must have been tipped off that she was making faces
at him behind his head, because he whirled around quickly to
catch her, saying "Would you just knock it off?!" When he did,
his open mouth hit her flapping tongue, and they "kissed." Oh,
the horror! They both started spitting and choking and all the
other kids had a good laugh. Now that I believe.


  • At 10:08 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…


    Your cold peas incident sounds strangely like my applesauce incident. I was probably 7 or so and I LOVED applesauce. Loved it so much that I took out seconds. And thirds. And fourths one day at lunch. Now, DivaMom had a rule that if you took it out on your plate, you had to eat it. Well, by the time I got about halfway through the 4th helping, I was FULL. But rules is rules and I sat at that table for an hour trying with all my might to choke down that applesauce. Know how you are so full and you take a bite and try to swallow and gag? Oh did that.

    TO THIS DAY I will not eat applesauce. Won't even lick it off my fingers if I get some on me while dishing it out to the kids. *gag*

    I'm sure there was a lesson in it somewhere. I won't get very much on my plate at a buffet now, so if that's what DivaMom was trying to accomplish, she succeded.

    Snaps to you for diagnosing HH correctly! Color me impressed. And you are right, a meniscus is a meniscus is a meniscus.

    I accidentlly got pregnant once. Is that the same as accidentally kissing?

  • At 10:22 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Hey Diva,
    I accidentally got pregnant once, too! Listen all you kids out only takes once. My little "surprise" is now 7, and he's a keeper. He told me one time "I'm your little gift from above." That was so sweet. Then later in the week, he told me his brother was my gift from below. Ahem. Not so sweet.

    I will not eat peas to this day. They are all nasty and mushy. I sat at that kitchen table (in the dark) from 5:30 until 9:00 pm. I did not put the peas on my plate. I can't believe my Hillbilly Sister ate HER peas. She won't even eat mustard!

  • At 5:45 AM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Accidental kissing is nothing! I accidentally had sex with an ugly drunk boy one time in college.

  • At 10:54 AM, Blogger Rachy said…

    I did the same once Ann, but at least you didn't go out with him for a couple of months

  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Miss Ann,
    Goodness, don't we all do things in college that now make us say, "WHAT was I THINKING?" I know I did. Which doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't do it again, but I would think about it first.

    There IS a limit on being polite just so you don't hurt someone's feelings, you know.

  • At 6:45 PM, Blogger Rachy said…

    I know, I know. It's just that he was really smart, and I found that a nice change. Until I found out he had "cramming" sessions before every time we hung out. Never again.

  • At 6:08 AM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Cramming? I'm not sure whether I'm more nervous to ask what he was cramming, or where he was cramming it.

    HBMom, you are absolutely right. Some things you just can't erase with politeness. ("Now, now, Ann. You didn't meeeaan to act like a slut!") :-)

  • At 6:28 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    HI Hillbilly Mom,
    Re Kissing, Need I say, Boy Germs/Girl Germs?

  • At 11:43 AM, Blogger Daisy Mae said…

    I accidently married my first husband. It wasn't a pretty sight. It was no accident when I divorced him that's for sure!


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