Redneck Review

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Feudin' Hillbillies

My Hillbilly Husband is about to start a feud with the neighbors.
He didn't plan it that way. It's just that everything he does turns out
in a different way than he had planned.

It started when HH asked the across-the-road neighbor and his
17-year-old son to help him enclose a lean-to on the left side of
the barn. (Since he only has a workshop that takes up 1/4 of the
basement, a workshop shed that he built, and the whole bottom
floor of the barn for his workshop, he needed some more space
to work in.) These neighbors are the ones who walk through our
field with a shotgun, pick our blackberries, drive their 4-wheeler
in our field, and got one of their ponies stuck in our back fence
after he trampled our garden. We do get along with them. Really.
Their daughter is best friends with #1 son. But now there is a
feud a-brewin'.

HH asked Neighbor why he'd put his house up for sale. Neighbor
said they were going to buy some land and build another house.
He asked HH if he wanted to sell our 10 acres that is up another
road here. HH said no, that it was for our boys. Neighbor said
he'd looked at the 60 acres one lot over from us, but it was too
expensive. HH told Neighbor that he had always wanted to buy
the 10 acres right next to ours. HH said that on vacation, he had
gone to the county courthouse and looked up the owner, and that
he was going to write him and see if he wanted to sell. Then they
went on with building the barn addition.

A couple days later, HH called the landowner, who lives in Illinois,
and asked it he wanted to sell. Landowner said, "What's going on
down there? Did somebody strike oil? Your neighbor gave me an
offer, and I'm dealing with him." We don't know how he knew this
was our neighbor. HH offered him $2000 more. HH explained
that he really wanted that property, because it is right next to our
current 10 acres where we live. Landowner said that Neighbor
had already given him some earnest money, and that he reckoned
he would stick with that deal, because he gave his word.

HH was fit to be tied. He talked to a relative of Neighbor who
lives down the road. Relative said Neighbor told him that they
were buying our dream land, and that they were going to live in
a camping trailer for a while. That really rattled HH's cage. We
are high-fallutin' hillbilly snobs, and don't want to live next to a
camping trailer homestead.

THEN a few evenings later, while frollicking in the blue plastic
Wal-mart swimming pool with the boy young'uns, HH heard
equipment running on the dream land. I though he was going
to have conniptions. "He's clearing it and he's gonna do something
over there. I didn't think he could get the money until he sold his
house." HH's plan was to offer to buy it from Neighbor for the
$2000 over what he paid. He figured: why would someone
want to sell his house and move across the road?

I think Neighbor saw a way to turn a quick profit, and planned
all along to get HH to buy it at a higher price. The equipment
we heard was Neighbor mowing the part of the dream land
that fronts the road. I told HH that I didn't think he'd really
bought the land yet, or else he would have dozed down some
little cedars and cleaned up the land better. All he did was mow
around clumps of trees and bushes. Then Neighbor sold his two
horses. One of his cars if for sale. HH thinks he is trying to get
the down payment. It has been about 3 weeks now. HH is
hoping the deal falls through.

As HH was leaving for work the other day, Neighbor started
up his driveway in his truck. He stopped halfway and waited
until HH pulled out and went down the road. HH thinks this
shows that Neighbor feels guilty and knows HH is mad at
him. I think they both know a feud is a-brewin'.

I am not going to worry until HH starts oiling up the shotgun.


  • At 12:04 AM, Blogger Raehan said…

    Yikes. I hate conflict.

    He should feel guilty.

  • At 8:34 AM, Blogger Rachy said…

    he should feel guilty, but thems fightin' actions... I guess on one hand it could become a little consuming, but people need to learn they can't get away with doing stuff like that... as long as it's not a fight to the death GAME ON

  • At 10:08 AM, Blogger KarbonKountyMoos said…

    Oh boy - sounds ominous. And extremely familiar.

  • At 5:46 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Fightin' over land, huh? Sounds like a classic redneck conflict.

  • At 6:04 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I think he does. He avoids us now.

    Indeed, IT IS ON!

    Men and their "territory!" I'm surprised he hasn't peed at the four corners to mark it.

    Miss Ann,
    He'd better not sic them revenuers on us fer the still!" Well, we really don't have a still. But we have some moonshine in the kitchen cabinet from South Carolina. Imported!


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