Redneck Review

Saturday, August 27, 2005

"Lately I've gone a lot of places, and seen a lot of things I didn't need to see..."

I'm sure you all recognized that as a lyric to the Ozark Mountain
Daredevils' "Followin' the Way That I Feel." What! You didn't?
Then go get yourself some Ozark Mountain Daredevils songs.
There may be a quiz coming up.

Saturday is Hillbilly Mom shopping day. Me and about 3000 other
people here in Redneckland. Hillbilly Mama volunteered to watch
the boy young'uns so I could get done quicker. Shopping without
the kids. You know what that tunes! Yes, it was time
once again for the Hillbilly Mom sing-along with music in the car.
What poured out of my speakers at max volume today?

  • Bring Your Sorrow Over Here...Jason Morphew
  • I Think I've Found A Way...Katie Bell
  • Odysseus Now...Katie Bell
  • Sharp Cutting Wings...Lucinda Williams
  • We Close Our Eyes...Susanna Hoffs
  • Way Down Deep...Vern Gosdin
  • Perfect Fingers...Tami Greer
  • Romeo and Juliet...Dire Straits
  • This is the Day...The The
  • Till I Hear It From You...The Gin Blossoms
  • Sand and Water...Beth Nielson Chapman
  • Talking to My Angel...Melissa Etheridge
  • Polaroids...Shawn Colvin
  • Infinity...Bryony Atkinson and Inara George
  • Baby, Now That I've Found You...Allison Krauss
  • Night...Feisty

I doubt you normal people recognize any of these. They are mostly
from various bad-movie soundtracks.

Sorry, Rebecca, I would not dream of singing any of them on an
audioblog. No...really...I couldn't. Even though I feel like I owe
you one for all the hard work you did perfecting my challenge...

So...what did I see on my shopping spree that I didn't need to see?

  • A 100 Year Old Cashier
  • Demolay Boys Pumping Gas For Tips
  • Big Fat Beaver
  • A Man Driving A Motorized Kid's Scooter in the Road
  • A Man Hammering a Mailbox With A Hammer
  • A Mouse in My Mailbox

Welcome to my life, people. I know you are dying to hear about
these sights, but I will have to put that off until tomorrow. This post
would be way too long.


  • At 9:50 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    How do you ride a scooter IN a road? Must he hard going.

  • At 10:28 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I've had this conversation with someone before--I think it was DeadpanAnn. This must be a true redneck saying. For example, "My sister likes to lay in the floor and watch TV." Thankfully, she didn't like to lay in the road, but it is used the same way. It sounds odd to me to say a man is riding a scooter on the road. If maybe one time I ran over a squirrel, it's because that squirrel was IN the road. I wouldn't say I ran over a squirrel because he was ON the road. Parents tell their children "Don't play in the road, Hillbilly Mom might run over you." They don't tell them "Don't play on the road." OK, sorry you asked yet?
    That concludes today's lesson.

    My college roommates from Kansas used to make fun of me for that. And many other things too, but that's a tale for another day. What did they know, anyway...they said "pop" instead of "soda." That's what happens in Kansas, with that wind whistling through your head all day.

  • At 11:42 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Yep. It was me. "In the floor" vs "on the floor." I said that when I got my new place I was going to "lie naked in the floor, eating ice cream straight out of the bucket," or something very close to that. (Thanks for reminding me--I never got around to doing that.) BTW, down here you would be made fun of for saying "soda" instead of "coke." But you know all about that.

    A mouse in your mailbox, huh? Now you know why that guy was beating his with a hammer!

  • At 11:50 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Miss Ann,
    Ha! That's a good one. I had not made that connection. More details tomorrow on the mouse and the hammer.

    Don't let me keep you from your ice-cream eating IN the floor. Might as well have a coke while you're at it. I already had my soda today. Can you guess what kind? I knew you could. Sonic Cherry Diet Coke, of course.

  • At 12:39 AM, Blogger Rachy said…

    one of my American friends in Europe never ceased to be amused by the fact that I called a popsicle an icy-pole... I just mentioned that I would like one on a hot day and he was in the floor laughing!

    (I've never heard the word in used in that context before, did I use it right?)

  • At 1:08 AM, Blogger Raehan said…

    A mouse on your mailbox? Did he find some cheese?

  • At 5:06 AM, Blogger Stewed Hamm said…

    "Icy pole" sounds hella naughty... like I should be rummaging through my wallet for small bills.

    You live in a weird town, HM. Although it seems like most smaller southern towns are wierd.

  • At 9:16 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    That is acceptable usage. However, I could never say I my kids love sucking on icy-poles. The DFS would be here faster than grease through a goose. You might need DeadpanAnn to explain that one. She knows all about the geese, because her mom is really fowl-friendly.

    The mouse did not find cheese. There is a shortage of cheese in the midwest, because Redneck Diva thinks it's free, and Rebecca cornered the market on what we picked up from those "alleged" moon landings.

    I agree it's a weird town. We had a teacher's aide one year tell the kids to stop "fingering" each other. She meant to stop poking and playing around. I almost fractured my liver laughing at that one.

    The only thing we are missing in this town is an old man named "Nub" who rides around in a red wagon. Like on that old Burt Reynolds sitcom, Evening Shade.

  • At 9:56 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    There is nothing better than shopping without the kids. Well, okay there are a few things better, but only a few.

    When I was in high school a bunch of boys in my class thought it'd be hilarious to put a dead possum in our mailbox. My poor mother, who is scared to death of critters, was the one that found it. You shoulda heard the screams. Lordy.

    We say IN the road, too. It would sound too weird to say ON the road. Hmh. I never thought about there being another way to say it...Now I'll ponder this one all night.

    No one needs to see a 100 year old cashier. But sadly, we do. All too often. I'm wondering if Wal*Mart has a quota they have to fill.

    I wasn't aware there was a cheese shortage in the midwest! Oh yeah, that's right because MINE IS FREE!! Muah hahahaahahahhahaa!! *sings "I ge-het freeeee cheese"*


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