Redneck Review

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Minister of Education

It looks like Rebecca has started her own country, the Nation of
Beclakia. Hurry on over, she's offering a 2-for-1 deal on citizenship.
I have decided to immigrate there and appoint myself Minister of
Education. I will educate the adults, not the kids.

My Department of Beclakian Education will need a faculty. So I
am appointing the following people to instruct the new Beclakians
in Hillbilly Education. I'll bet a Sonic Large Cherry Diet Coke that
Rebecca did not know the citizens of her country would turn out
to be hillbillies. Here are my faculty, and what they will teach:

Kristin: Half-naked Posing, History of 55-gallon Barrel Killers,
Free Cheese Smorgasbord, Gambling. Kristin will also be directing
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, our school play.

Miss Ann: Which Wine Goes With Hot Dogs, How Not to Start
a Lawnmower, Which Came First: the Ferret or the Crack..

Internet Research for Bizarre Yet Compelling Items,
Why Possums "Playing Possum" Do Not Make Good Pets.

Raehan: Art Appreciation: emphasis on poker-playing-dogs-on-
black-velvet. How Much Sleep Do You Really Need?

Alexandrialeigh: Landlords, the Law, and You

Bert: Cooking Critters: things normal people won't eat (cats, chitlins,
coon, chicken feet). Bert will also serve as principal, as he is a
no-nonsense kind of guy.

Babs: Why We Should Get Rid of this Hillbilly School and Educate

Karen: Sugar Beets: the New White Meat. Cell Phone: Don't Leave
Home Without It: especially if you are driving on a road with ruts.

Misha: Psychology of the EMO, Dancing ala Mosh Girl.

Melina: Relationships 101. looks like we are lacking in a few areas. I might have to
rethink this education thing. No math, no language, no science.
Oh, yeah. It's Hillbilly Educatioin. We're fine.

The school uniform will be overalls, with shirts and shoes being
optional. There will be breaks at 10:00, 2:00, and 4:00 for corn-cob
pipe smoking. The school song is John Denver's "Thank God I'm
a Country Boy." Lunch will be provided, providing somebody runs
over a critter on the way to school. Students must drink the milk in
little cartons, or Miss Ann will smack them. Even if you bring some
moonshine from home, you must still drink the milk.

I think that just about covers it. I will be teaching a class in audio-
blogging tomorrow, if I can get some tutoring in it from a 10-year-
old boy. If not, there will be NO tuition refunds, people. So don't
even think about it. Read my lips: NO REFUNDS!


  • At 3:01 AM, Blogger Rachy said…

    sounds good to me! Maybe we could set up a faculty for me to run called "don't answer questions when tired and possibly hungover"!

  • At 5:29 PM, Blogger Alexandrialeigh said…

    Oh, I've been working on that curriculum for quite a few years! :)

  • At 7:57 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…


    Jazz hands, everyone!!

    Omg, Hillbilly Mom, I think this one's a classic. You're a riot.

  • At 9:59 PM, Blogger Babs said…

    Blogger at my comment . . . let's try this again. Okay, I said something like:

    Sorry I'm late for school! Ha! It's the first lesson on how to educate ourselves. I'll be back with more wisdom right after I take a nap.

  • At 10:53 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Mmmmm....nap. I miss summer vacation already.

    Your jazz hands are showing in your picture.

    I thought you were a master teacher of bad landlord scenarios.

    That might save our school from some lawsuits, but it would make life more boring.


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