Redneck Review

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

What Rednecks Did For Fun

If you haven't been there yet, check out Redneck Diva's coronation
ceremony for winning Miss RSJS. She uses the same redneck lingo
that people around here use (well, they did--a hundred years ago).
One of those sayings reminded me of a friend from high school.

When I was in high school, THE thing to do on a Friday night was
drive back and forth on Main Street. We had quite a long cruising
strip back then, from downtown out to the park. It was probably
about 3 miles one way. These days the kids have shortened it, and
the police have to control it, and it doesn't seem like fun--expecially
if you are trying to get through town. And you are old.

We mainly cruised on Friday nights, or Saturday, or for a few trips
after whatever game was in season. We honked and waved at the
same people every time we passed. We had to make a stop at
Sonic for a Frito-Chili Pie or a Foot-Long Coney Dog. Then more
cruising. I wasn't one of the popular people, but I was in that next
group that is smart but just not real ccol. So the popular people
did honk and wave at my car, as long as I did it first.

I had my yellow Chevy Vega hatchback with the black stripe down
the side. That darn thing had a bell that kept chiming if you didn't
buckle the seat belt. It could not be fastened and sat on comfortably,
so my front seat passenger and I wore the seatbelts. This was back
in the day before we were safety-conscious. In the time when wearing
a seatbelt was not cool. When I was inching my way up to the stop
sign at the 3-way stop, the people in the car in the left-turn lane
would peer into my Vega and holler, "What's a-matter? You guys
afraid you might fall out of the car?" Then they would peel out, hooting
at their own cleverness. Yeah, like I hadn't heard that one before.
But it was kind of funny. I was a nerd, so that is what they expected
of me anyway.

One Thursday night we went cruising after a volleyball game. Our
coach always made us dress up (IN DRESSES!) for our games.
So there we were, cruising the strip IN DRESSES, honking and
waving like there was no tomorrow. I had so many people in that
car, I can't remember them all. I would say that I had 8 or 9 girls
in that two-door hatchback. Some of them I just gave a ride home,
then when we got down to 5 of us (so we all had a seat to sit on)
we stopped at Sonic. Then I took a couple more home, so it was
just me and my best friend and our buddy "Possum," who was a
year younger than us. If you want to know how she got the name
"Possum," it's like that saying on Redneck Diva's coronation post.
She was always "grinnin' like a possum eatin' ****." Little did
we know that she would earn a new nickname that night.

Possum had to ride in the back seat, because she was a year
younger. But don't go feelin' sorry for Possum, because that was
a little bitty car, and she sat in the middle and poked her head up
front with us the whole time anyway. The back seat didn't have
a seat belt alarm.

As the night wore on, I noticed a lot more cars honking at us.
And it wasn't the cars that were driving in the opposite direction.
Some of those honkers were behind us. I looked up in the rearview
mirror, expecting to see Possum's permed 'fro looking back at me.
Nope. I saw her standing up with her rear against the hatch. What
I didn't see (oh, thank you Jebus!) was that she had pulled down
her pantyhose and underwear, hiked up her dress, and was
MOONING everyone behind us. Ahem.

I was shocked. "What are you doing !?! Sit down!!!" Possum,
from that day forward to be called "Mooner," and BF were
howling. Like rolling on the floor howling if there had been
room to get on the floor of a Chevy Vega. I was a nervous
wreck, in one of those moods that would later prompt my future
friend Bob to say, "Take a red" every time I got that way.

The next day at school A LOT of people took time out of
their busy popular day to ask me, "So...did you guys have a
good time last night?"

And when I think about it now...yes, we did.


  • At 10:08 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Too funny!! Man, those were the days.

  • At 10:48 AM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    I actually have a picture of Mooner, from college days, but I was afraid if I posted it, she would track me down and sue me. It didn't show her butt, though. Just her permed fro.

  • At 12:01 AM, Blogger Charles Cozic said…


    in 1978 I drove my 1973 Chevy Vega GT from New York City to San Diego in 4 days (I've lived here ever since). 32 degrees one night in Oklahoma, over 80 the next day in New Mexico. Made the whole trip with no mechanical problems. Okay, I jumped a curb in Arizona and put a small hole in the oil pan. But a gas station attendant said to keep driving and the oil would not leak out. He was right, and I made it.
    It lasted in San Diego for 6 months until I drove to Tijuana Mexico in the summer and coming back the engine blew because I did not keep up with maintaning coolant. I mistakenly paid to get the engine fixed; the "repair" shop did a crappy job.


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