Redneck Review

Monday, August 01, 2005

Tell Me Where It Hurts

Other people are absolutely filling my head with ideas this week.
Raehan at Agog and Aghast mentioned something in the comments
of my Hillbilly Mama, Medicine Woman post that got me thinking
about that pain scale that doctors use. You know, the "On a scale
of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?" thing. Numbers are
not graphic enough for me, so I have devised my own pain scale.
It starts with the most severe pain I have ever felt, and then descends
gradually to the least bothersome pain. Because let's face it...when
something hurts, I think, "Hey that hurts like ...." I don't think,
"Hmm...that is about a 4."

HILLBILLY MOM'S PAIN SCALE
(Ranked from "I can't take it anymore this excruciating pain is
KILLING ME!!!" to "Eh...that kind of smarts.")

  • Gallstones
  • Childbirth without anesthesia
  • Torn cartilage/knee surgery
  • Broken arm
  • Migraine
  • Root canal needed
  • Sprained ankle
  • Finger closed in a car door
  • Vertebra/disk pain from car wreck
  • Bee sting between the toes
What do you think? I'll bet you have some aches and pains
not mentioned here. Where would they fit in? Redneck Diva,
how about that "fat foot?" Deadpanann, the broken finger?
Bert, the stitches? Rebecca, the broken arm, the broken nose,
the ten knee replacements? Anybody...anybody? Doesn't
someone have burning hemorrhoids or an eye popped out of
the socket? Tell me your own pain scale!

11 Comments:

  • At 10:10 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    OK, here is my current list of known medical stuff, that I have had happen, in no particular order.

    Three knee reconstuctions.
    Fifteen broken noses, three nose jobs.
    Two broken vertebrae
    Twenty-three broken fingers, countless dislocations, including one today. Oh that is going to hurt tomorrow.
    One broken arm,
    Stress fractures of the shoulder blades
    Deep Vain Thrombosis
    Hang nail
    Three broken toes
    142 stitches, 40 of them done on myself, a long story.
    Arthritis in the ankles, knees, hips and lower back.
    Multiple scars, worst in my lip from a skateboarding accident.

    On my "to do" list in the next few years, subject to time off work are multiple operations, including
    Both knees replaced. I will try and hang off for a while with these and just get them reconstructed again.
    Shoulder reconstruction
    Another Rhino-Septoplasty, hopefully I will be able to breath through my nose for a while after that.
    A few other things I am looking into at the moment.

    In terms of pain, I think the first knee was the worst, mind you, after they gave me Pethadine after a nose operation once, and I flat-lined three times, that wasn't very nice.
    I think that will do for now, I hope you enjoy your dinner.
    HooRoo
    Bec

     
  • At 10:33 PM, Blogger Big Heavy said…

    i had a pretty good hangnail last week. what's that maybe a -5 or so?

     
  • At 10:44 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Cracked ribs.

    Not only is the pain intense, but it lasts for weeeeeks. It also affects every part of your body, rendering you unable to bend, turn, sit, stand, walk, lift your arms, turn your head, or even breathe without feeling tear-jerking pain. I could not pee without crying. I couldn't put my bra on or get dressed or do anything except take Vicodin and lie on my plastic dorm room mattress with no underwear on under a long skirt, because that was the only thing that allowed me to piss without assistance. That was the worst pain I've had.

    I haven't had children yet so I can't say for sure, but I think even childbirth would suck slightly less than a rib injury.

     
  • At 3:54 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Thanks DeadPanAnn, I forgot about the broken ribs. Also reminds me I have a spike from a Date Palm tree in my left temple, no lower tear ducts on my eyes, and right now a bit of a headache.
    HooRoo
    Bec

     
  • At 11:12 AM, Blogger Rachy said…

    I used to absolutely FUCKING hate it when I was in rehab and the doctors would ask me in a patronising tone "on a scale of one to 10 blah blah blah..." and I could never answer them. For gods sake I had just broken my neck and they expected me to be able to clearly elucidate on what scale my pain was... try 50 million kazillion times eternity wanker, and you've done a medical degree so don't you think you could come up with a new scale? Huh? Huh?

    Four broken vertebrae, 10. Two collapsed lungs, 10. Tracheotomy, 10. Daily physiotherapy for 12 months, 10. A painful fingernail because I bit too much off, 10. It's all relative... you'd think the doctors would ask for descriptions and symptoms of pain rather than a stupid scale... pain is pain and that's it

     
  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Raehan said…

    I could say a lot abou tthis, but I'm in the middle of getting my girls fed and napped. I'll be back.

     
  • At 5:57 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    I've had gallstones and lemme tell ya they were a cakewalk next to the kidney stones. I was 8 months pregnant with Ab when the gallstones hit. Felt like someone had a belt wrapped around my chest (which was already compromised due to enormous baby belly) and was pulling it tighter and tighter until I'd eventually throw up. But the kidney stones...oh I wanted to die. Just die. It was horrendous. I'd moan, groan, barf, cry, groan, beg, pass out, barf, whine...lather rinse repeat.

    I had an epidural with Ab but only half of it took. So childbirth half experienced on that one. With Sam it took four tries to get the epidural in so by the time they laid me down he was crowning. Childbirth experienced fully there, but legs dead as doornails for 3 hours after. With Kady I decided to go sans epidural. It hurt, but nowhere near as bad as the kidney stones. Not kidding.

    The fat foot was bad. The plantar fasciitis is bad. I'm going to rate hangnail at the bottom, next is tattoo on top of the foot, work up through fasciitis, gall stones, childbirth and then end it with kidney stones. Oh and toss in closing car door on hand and demolition derby in somewhere toward the bottom, too.

    Interesting post, Hillbilly Mom. Very thought-provoking.

    You ought to know you can never gather women together and mention pain that childbirth doesn't enter into it somewhere.

     
  • At 9:45 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Bec,
    What's up with the nose, girl? Do you keep running into those glass doors? I am glad you included "hang nail" on your list. Which one of your 23 fingers was that on? OK,I think I am done having fun at your expense. Do not declare yourself the winner. This is not a contest! If it was, I might have let you win...until I got to Rachy's comment.

    Big Heavy,
    I've been to your blog before. I thought you looked familiar. I liked your ghost story. I have several in the archives, starting with June 2.
    Hope nobody gave you Benadryl for that hangnail...it works best for broken fingers.

    Miss Ann,
    You crack me up! Get it? The ribs...not because you're on crack.
    Honey, that "long skirt with no underwear" might be just a little bit too much information. But I DO want to know how you cracked your ribs.

    Rachy,
    You are the all-time winner of the pain-a-thon that isn't really a contest. Don't let Rebecca claim a tie with some obscure rule of her own creation. She is very good at that. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Raehan,
    We'll deal with you when you get here, young lady!

    Diva,
    Now you have given credibility to those men who cry about their kidney stones. I always thought, "It's a little pebble, you big crybaby. Try pushing out one of your big bowling-ball-head kids." Since you have been through both, I will take this comment under advisement next time HH has a kidney stone. Which he had in Branson, the Hillbilly Mecca.
    And we spent from 2:00 am to 10:30 am at Skaggs Memorial Hospital. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

     
  • At 12:02 AM, Blogger Raehan said…

    I haven't had a lot of broken bones, stiches, etc, but I have very little tolerance when it comes to teeth pain.

    I'm okay with labor pain.

    (She says blocking out all memory of actual labor)

     
  • At 3:38 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    This is one thing I am not going to try and win, I wish I wasn't even in the running.
    The hang nail was actually on my big left toe, and it had to be surgically removed.
    As for breaking noses, you break it once, and it breaks easily again. THe first time it was brokenm, I was waiting at the bus stop to go to school, three guys got out of a car and beat me up. They were looking for some fun, and decided I was the right target. Last time it happened, I was shopping in Kmart, and I faceplanted the wall. See my earlier blog on this.
    As for the fingers, my right little finger has broken 8 times, and now wont bend correctly. I might do a photo of that at some stage.
    HooRoo
    Bec

     
  • At 8:30 AM, Blogger Rachy said…

    strangely enough it was the fingernail which bothered me the most, all of the other stuff I didn't think twice about dealing with in the end... the fingernail was my fault damn it, and it freaking well hurt :-)

     

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