Redneck Review

Sunday, October 02, 2005

May I Help You Find Something?

Here are some 5-seconds-or-less visitors to my blog. I can't imagine
they would have stayed longer. I don't believe I have what they're
looking for. I might have some explainin' to do.

swimming in high heels - I do not recommend it. The water will run
out of your blue plastic Wal-mart pool.

lateral meniscus hurts after mowing lawn - Duh! Then don't mow
the lawn!

neo nazi haircut the boys will come a'runnin' - But you may not
want to meet these boys.

train made from 55 gallon barrels lawnmower - Pick a hobby and
stick with it, "Fitty." You can pull the train, you can stuff victims in
55 gallon barrels, or you can torture your meniscus with a lawnmower!
Don't spread yourself so thin.

middle school math sponge activities - I swear I had nothing to do
with this. It sounds so....WRONG!

dill molestation - Dill. Not just for pickles anymore.

hot hunky hung mature gay truck drivers - What have I been blogging
about? I did not know I reached this audience!

sinkhole repair hicksville - Gosh! Can you call people to come fix
your sinkholes out in Hicksville?

hillbilly party - YeeHaw! I'll whittle a few more corncob pipes, shove
a possum in the oven, and shovel out the outhouse. We'll have us a

4 wheelers for kids - It's my charity. Like Toys for Tots. 4-wheelers
for MY kids.

redneck party ideas - Cause the hillbilly party wasn't good enough
for 'em.

what hillbilly looks like - Oh, c'mon. We're not as elusive as Bigfoot!

what kid of clothes did puritans have - Uh, maybe you meant kind of
clothes? Are you planning a Puritan party?

hedgeapples to feed horses - I don't think hedgeapples are good for

redneck fashion - Don't get your hopes up. Apparently, we dress like

movie quotes all the way with a red hot poker - If you didn't like my
movie contest, you could have said so. No need to jab me with that

hillbilly kevin - Hey, he's my neighbor.

hot mom's hung son - No no no lalalalala mmmmmmm I can't hear you!

beaver diva - Is there something one of you is not telling me, DIVA?

hedgeapple fruit trash - What are you saying? Do they live in trailers?

lea thompson duct tape gag - Uh, Ms. Lea Thompson, actress, do you
have a bodyguard? Because you might want to check into that.

This is just from August and September. Who knows what the future


  • At 5:40 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    I don't know what is more disturbing. These people looking for answers, or the fact you can provide them. I'm walking away slowly, keeping eye contact, not showing fear. I'M RUNNING!!!
    Bec. :-P

  • At 8:57 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Ick. The mature hung gay male truck driver one really gets me. How did they get here with that search? It's a tangled www I guess.

  • At 10:32 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    You obviously know how to survive in Redneckland.

    Miss Ann,
    I am more concerned about the "dill molestation" and the "middle school math sponge activites."

    I might have mentioned in some posts about a teacher's husband being a TRUCK DRIVER, and maybe HH HUNG some things on the wall of his barn, and how that GAY pig farmer asked if I wanted to feel how hairy her legs were, and maybe I'm as MATURE as an 8th grader (nyah, nyah), and maybe how when a MALE has something in his hand he doesn't want (like chewed gum or a food wrapper) he gives it to a female to put in her purse. That's the best clue I have.

    An old one for "possum pecker pie," I have no idea. I only mentioned a dead possum, not what delicacies to cook. I don't remember discussing peckers, but if I did, I would surely have to give equal time to pies.

  • At 11:52 PM, Blogger Jessica said…

    Ok, so I was searching for a friend's blog and landed on one of your friend's and ended up here. Just passing through. But you just had me LMAO, thank you very much. I will gladly keep moving now - before some beaver runs me over or something. Have a good one!

  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Sheesh, I'm gone for a few days and you start talking about my beaver??? I must not take blogcations anymore!!


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