Redneck Review

Sunday, October 02, 2005

May I Help You Find Something?

Here are some 5-seconds-or-less visitors to my blog. I can't imagine
they would have stayed longer. I don't believe I have what they're
looking for. I might have some explainin' to do.

swimming in high heels - I do not recommend it. The water will run
out of your blue plastic Wal-mart pool.

lateral meniscus hurts after mowing lawn - Duh! Then don't mow
the lawn!

neo nazi haircut the boys will come a'runnin' - But you may not
want to meet these boys.

train made from 55 gallon barrels lawnmower - Pick a hobby and
stick with it, "Fitty." You can pull the train, you can stuff victims in
55 gallon barrels, or you can torture your meniscus with a lawnmower!
Don't spread yourself so thin.

middle school math sponge activities - I swear I had nothing to do
with this. It sounds so....WRONG!

dill molestation - Dill. Not just for pickles anymore.

hot hunky hung mature gay truck drivers - What have I been blogging
about? I did not know I reached this audience!

sinkhole repair hicksville - Gosh! Can you call people to come fix
your sinkholes out in Hicksville?

hillbilly party - YeeHaw! I'll whittle a few more corncob pipes, shove
a possum in the oven, and shovel out the outhouse. We'll have us a
hoedown!

4 wheelers for kids - It's my charity. Like Toys for Tots. 4-wheelers
for MY kids.

redneck party ideas - Cause the hillbilly party wasn't good enough
for 'em.

what hillbilly looks like - Oh, c'mon. We're not as elusive as Bigfoot!

what kid of clothes did puritans have - Uh, maybe you meant kind of
clothes? Are you planning a Puritan party?

hedgeapples to feed horses - I don't think hedgeapples are good for
horses.

redneck fashion - Don't get your hopes up. Apparently, we dress like
Puritans.

movie quotes all the way with a red hot poker - If you didn't like my
movie contest, you could have said so. No need to jab me with that
poker.

hillbilly kevin - Hey, he's my neighbor.

hot mom's hung son - No no no lalalalala mmmmmmm I can't hear you!

beaver diva - Is there something one of you is not telling me, DIVA?

hedgeapple fruit trash - What are you saying? Do they live in trailers?

lea thompson duct tape gag - Uh, Ms. Lea Thompson, actress, do you
have a bodyguard? Because you might want to check into that.


This is just from August and September. Who knows what the future
holds?

5 Comments:

  • At 5:40 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    I don't know what is more disturbing. These people looking for answers, or the fact you can provide them. I'm walking away slowly, keeping eye contact, not showing fear. I'M RUNNING!!!
    HooRoo
    Bec. :-P

     
  • At 8:57 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    Ick. The mature hung gay male truck driver one really gets me. How did they get here with that search? It's a tangled www I guess.

     
  • At 10:32 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Bec,
    You obviously know how to survive in Redneckland.

    Miss Ann,
    I am more concerned about the "dill molestation" and the "middle school math sponge activites."

    I might have mentioned in some posts about a teacher's husband being a TRUCK DRIVER, and maybe HH HUNG some things on the wall of his barn, and how that GAY pig farmer asked if I wanted to feel how hairy her legs were, and maybe I'm as MATURE as an 8th grader (nyah, nyah), and maybe how when a MALE has something in his hand he doesn't want (like chewed gum or a food wrapper) he gives it to a female to put in her purse. That's the best clue I have.

    An old one for "possum pecker pie," I have no idea. I only mentioned a dead possum, not what delicacies to cook. I don't remember discussing peckers, but if I did, I would surely have to give equal time to pies.

     
  • At 11:52 PM, Blogger Jessica said…

    Ok, so I was searching for a friend's blog and landed on one of your friend's and ended up here. Just passing through. But you just had me LMAO, thank you very much. I will gladly keep moving now - before some beaver runs me over or something. Have a good one!

     
  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Sheesh, I'm gone for a few days and you start talking about my beaver??? I must not take blogcations anymore!!

     

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