Redneck Review

Monday, September 26, 2005


We had quite a shock this evening as I was preparing supper. By that
I mean I was eating the pepperoni off #2 son's Little Caesar's $5.00
pizza while he ran down to the basement fridge to fetch a mini Sierra
Mist. The boy returned empty-handed.

Where is your soda? (Gotta get all the food groups, you know.)
I couldn't get one loose from the ring thing. Oh, and there is a giant
worm down there.
A big worm. It is by the TV.
#1! Go get your brother a soda. You were supposed to take them
loose from the plastic, so now you have to get it for him.

This got no argument from #1 son. Verrrrry unusual. No doubt, he
wanted to see the worm. He ran down and got the soda.

Hey! There's no giant worm down here!
Yes there is. Look on the rug by the TV.
Is it like a fishing worm?
No. It is shiny.
Does it have legs?
I don't know.
Is it slimy?
No, just shiny. It is crawling.

He came running up the steps, squealing like a little girl. Then he
grabbed his camera and took off back to the basement. Nerd.
He snapped a pic and brought it to me, because I refused to go
down there or even look.

I called my Hillbilly Husband, who had just left work for the 40
minute drive home. He would know what to do.

Is it a snake?
Is it moving? You better watch it or it'll get away.

No way was I watching that thing for 40 minutes. I got a glass
sun-tea jug. #1 said, "That won't fit."
I got a glass soup bowl.

Can't you get a plastic one?
Yeah. If you want it to get away!
Get the glass one!
It's a good thing you didn't step on it. Then you would get the heart
and the colon and the organs all over your foot.

#1 took the bowl and trapped the worm. Then he said it was moving.
Nobody would go back downstairs. We could see the bowl through
the stairwell. HH got home and his buddy, Buddy, called. "Get off the
freakin' phone! You can call him back!"

HH picked up the worm with his bare hands. That's what he is good
for. Buggy things and cleaning up vomit. He held it in his palm. "It's
just a rolie-polie bug." MY A$$! It was a rolie-polie bug four inches
long, curled up like one of those big colorful lollipops on a wooden
stick. Only he was battleship gray. And probably not so tasty.

HH waltzed him around the kitchen, near my food, and then took
him out to the porch to set him free. What's this world coming to?
Climb into the handbaskets, people, for the long slow ride to HELL.
Can we not even kill a BUG anymore?

Here he is in all his glory, crawling across our 2 x 6 porch
boards. So he can come back in, I guess.

I know it is a millipede. This is as good as any textbook photo.
Props to my 10-year-old photographer. So I know it's not a
bug, it's an arthropod. I used to teach science for cryin'
out loud! These things are creepy. I do not want them in
my house. There is a mysterious case of the open basement
door that I have yet to investigate. I will keep you posted.


  • At 9:57 PM, Blogger taterbug76 said…

    EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW is right! Holy crap, I'd have screamed like a girl, too.

    A friend of mine found a taratula in her house once and put a glass bowl on top of it and then stacked books on top of the bowl. She was she wasn't sure how stong it was so the books were there to ensure it wasn't going to crawl off with the bowl. And she used the glass bowl so she could keep an eye on it. I'd have just left the house. Forget keeping an eye on it. *shudder*

    This is actually Redneck Diva. I'll be glad when TaterSis gets her own damn internet and I don't find myself logged in as her or off completely.

  • At 12:40 AM, Blogger j3n said…

    Howdy from Arkansas! I get those damn things in my house all the time. I used to yell at the husband, the kids, the dogs, the cat, anything to JUST KILL IT ALREADY! Any more I just let them crawl up on the dust pan and throw them out the door.

    Long time lurker, first time caller. From one hillbilly to another, you amuse the hell out of me.

    The blogsplat addy is just to comment, I live at


  • At 1:28 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    I will have to send you a Gippsland Worm. These little guys only get up to about 10' long. We use them for bait.

  • At 6:34 AM, Blogger Misha said…

    LOL... you get millipedes there; here we get spiders, and LOTS of them.

    When I was younger and a hairy spider made its way into the house, my dad would often either slam the palm of his hand on the spider (effectively killing it that way), or pick it up and throw it outside. So many of our spiders are venemous but it never seemed to bother him.

    What is it with guys and insects? Geez!

  • At 6:49 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Diva ~alias~ Taterbug,
    What are YOU eeeeewwwwwwing about? You had a freakin' SNAKE in stuck your window! Your sister needs a pirate do-rag for her blog picture.

    They have computers in Arkansas? Ha! Just a little hillbilly humor. Bet you never heard that before, huh? I would get myself a dustpan, but then I might be expected to clean.

    I DO NOT want to know what kind of creature you try to catch with a 10-foot worm.

    I remember on one of the Survivor shows (Duh! I guess it was Survivor: Australian Outback) when they talked about how poisonous the spiders were. Too creepy. Do you have many crickets? They creep me out, too. Always jumping when you try to KILL them. And that infernal chirping.

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger coffee and cigarettes said…



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