Redneck Review

Friday, July 08, 2005

Betty Tales

Guess what. Nothing interesting going on here. So you get another
"Betty" story. She certainly could tell a tale.

Betty was a South St. Louis girl. Some of you will know instantly
what that entails. She was outspoken on any subject, and kind of
loud and rowdy, and had a good time anywhere she went. She was
about 5 feet tall and 3 feet wide, which didn't bother her most of
the time.

One Friday night she told Bob and I that she was pissed off at some
kids outside the town's only grocery store. She said, "I came out and
these little kids were sitting in a car laughing at me. Oh....and they
weren't just laughing. One little sucker stuck his arm out the window
and pointed at me. I'd had enough. I stopped my cart and turned to
them and said, 'HEY! I KNOW I'm fat!' And that kid shut up."

Another time, we had travelled 20 miles up I-44 to the Wal-mart,
because Hooterville didn't have one back then. This was so long
ago it was just a regular little Wal-mart, not the Supercenter of today.
Hey, it was payday, and that's what we did on payday--went to
Wal-mart, Shop N Save, and Golden Corral. (Teachers really lead
glamorous lives, kids. Look into it.) Bob and I were in line behind
Betty, and heard her ask the cashier if they had any Pepsi. It was
on sale, and she wanted to stock up, but didn't see any . "Um...
no...we ran out. But we have Diet Pepsi over there." Betty said,
"No. I don't want Diet Pepsi. I might accidently lose a pound."
The cashier looked kind of embarrassed.

Winter rolled around, and Betty asked Bob and I if we'd ever
been sledding on Art Hill. It's by the St. Louis Art Museum, and
the St. Louis news stations send a reporter there for the first big
snow, to show all the city people riding sleds or cardboard or
whatever down the hill. There's a lake at the bottom, and it's kind
of a pretty scene. Bob and I said no, but we'd seen it on TV.

Betty said, "I went there a few years ago, and I got really upset.
My friend and I were riding this sled and she could not steer it
right. She just would not listen to me. A bunch of people were
there, and it was crowded, and the hill was getting packed down
and icy. So we go down the hill, and she doesn't turn it, and we
go off into the lake. It was freezing. I had on this down jacket,
and it got soaked and was all heavy, and some firemen had to
rescue us. They pulled my friend out. This fireman reached out
his hand to pull me out, but I guess I was kind of heavy with
that down jacket, cause the fireman pulled on my arm and said,
'Ohhhh F***!' and that really made me mad! A fireman shouldn't
make fun of someone, especially if it's me."


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