Redneck Review

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

"I Know What You Did Last Blog" BB Challenge v 10

It's been going on since mid-May, and now there are four of us
left in Rebecca's Big Blogger Contest. This week's assignment is
to stalk another member of the Cyberhouse. Bwah ha ha!

I know what you did last blog. Oh yes, I like to watch. And I've
been watching you for quite a while now. Hiding in the basement
isn't going to get rid of me. I can hear those beer bottles tinkling.
And don't think that buying taawwl cans is going to fool me.

I was there when you made fun of a guy's wife for smothering
him. And while he was trying to sing her a love song, too. You'd
better stick to those little redneck bars where the roaches and
off-duty cops come to drink.

Don't tell me I am doing wrong. I am no worse than you, spying
on those poor welfare people. They are just trying to buy groceries.
They don't need you sniffing their crab legs and steaks. And
remind me never to follow you too closely to a gas station. I don't
want to wait in line behind you while you snark it out with the
employee of the month who is only trying to make her miserable
existence more bearable by tuning in to her TV show of choice
before taking your money. So what if you have to wait a minute
or 30? I just don't want to be waiting behind you for the police
to show up, or for her to remove your severed hand from the
metal money tray and fling it at you.

Did you bring in the eggs yet? Because the last I saw, you were
playing in the corn like Stu Redman in The Stand. I saw you
tormenting the geese by moving their escape hole, and making
them swim in a redneck pool. And what about your poor
little nephew? At least buy the kid name-brand cereal to stick
up his nose.

You'd better get used to someone watching you constanty if
you are planning to be a teacher. Oh yes...what I do is nothing
compared to what students will do. They will find out everything
about you in approximately 2.47 hours. The internet is a wonderful
stalking (I mean educational) tool. You won't be able to do so
much as set Wally's lawnmower on fire before they know all
about it.

Well, it seems as though it's time for me to go now. I was minding
your (er..my own) business when you reached under the couch
and pulled out.....OWW! What was...HEY! You just hit me in
the head with a copy of The Poisonwood Bible! No fair!

Just for that, I'm going to find someone else to stalk.
Or am I??????????

4 Comments:

  • At 4:11 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    A fantastic blog entry. Thanks for playing.
    HooRoo
    BB

     
  • At 11:52 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Hope my "stalkee" doesn't get nervous!

     
  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger deadpanann said…

    I am nervous! Why is this so uncomfortable!? Maybe because I read it ten minutes after learning that everyone in town has been reading the blog for a while, without my knowing it. I think I'm going to have to let deadpanann die and recreate a brand new, more undercover blog before I start teaching!

     
  • At 3:02 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    Well, Miss Ann, I left out the best part because my boy young'un was pestering me and I lost concentration. I wanted to say I saw you getting your hair styled into a "Blackhawk Down" while cutting the belly out of your prom dress.

    My lovely loudmouthed son went to school and told all the elementary teachers about my blog (because he's like that--a little teacher's pet) and that is why I keep my stuff as G-rated as I can. I know it's more boring, but the world is not ready for the real me to be let loose.

    Sure as I would start another blog, he would probably hit a couple keys and say, "Hey, this is your IP address, Mom" or some such thing.

     

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