Redneck Review

Monday, June 20, 2005

How Could This Happen?

We left around 6:00 a.m. for our trip to Branson. Since we were
traveling with kids, we made pert near 87 rest stops on our 5-hour
trip. And that is where I came across a very strange sight indeed.

At the I-44 rest stop just south of Rolla, a woman came out of the
restroom just as I was walking in. "Sir, could you come in here a
minute?" she called to some guy walking into the men's room.

What? I kept going, because, you know, I had to go. I went into
the first stall. Here came lady and man traipsing right behind me.
Now why would someone do that? Was this some scam they had
going? What self-respecting man would walk right into the ladies'
room, no questions asked? Ooops! I forgot. We're talking about
men. So the answer would be: all of them.

"Man coming in!" the woman hollered, even though he was right
on her heels. I stood in my stall to see how this show was going
to unfold. They walked past me. "She's in the handicapped stall
and can't get out. You might have to crawl under the door and
unlock it."

What? If she couldn't unlock it, how could he? Unless she was
very very handicapped, and if so, then she shouldn't have been
in a bathroom stall alone.

The guy went, "Huh." Then the door popped open. I knew this,
because the two women yelled, "Yeah! Thanks so much!" and the
guy walked out. So then I sat down to do my business, and I heard
them babbling. "He used a key. He stuck it in there and the door
popped right open!" And the other one said "I wondered how
he made it open so easy." And the first one said, "Aren't they so
smart?" Uh...well....apparently so, since you couldn't even get out
of a bathroom stall without the help of a big strong Mensa man.

Now these women were probably in their early sixties, and didn't
look like there was anything wrong with them. Have you ever
been stuck in a bathroom stall at a rest stop? Because let me tell
you, the only problem I have ever had with the door was that it
will not latch, and I had to put my head against it and try to
balance myself. And even when the doors latch, if you bump
the walls, they spring open. I don't know what that guy did with
a key. He must have put it in that crack between the door and
the frame.

I can't figure this one out. Unless these were hillbilly gals going
to town, and they were used to the wooden latch on the outhouse


  • At 4:34 PM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mom,
    To put a different spin on this story. Back when I was working at a radio station, we had this guy come in for an interview, who had won Sale of the Century. After the interview was done, he left, then returned about ten minutes later, to say he couldn't get the front door open. I walked up to the door and pushed it open, with ease. For some reason he had been pulling on the door and hadn't thought of that.

    The other thing that happens for me is at work there are not too many female toilets around the system, so they have turned the "Mens" rooms into "Drivers" rooms. Before I go in I announce that I am there. Even though it is very rare to have someone else in there, they guys certainly panic and leave a nice wet patch on their fronts, instead of just asking you to wait.

  • At 3:14 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    So how WAS Branson, USA??? Did you see the World's Largest Fiddle? Did you see Shoji? Did you go to SDC?? Did you get a Dutton Button? (I have one. It's okay to be jealous.) Did you clog dance any? Or did you SEE anyone clog dance? You must divulge all that was the vacation!

  • At 4:39 PM, Blogger Hillbilly Mom said…

    We didn't see Shoji, but my dear departed grandma did once, and said his bathrooms were fabulous. She didn't mention the show. No Dutton Button. I think my mom has seen them. I went to college with a girl named Dutton, though, does that count? I can not clog but I know that you can. I saw it in Coyote Ugly, and once at Silver Dollar City, and that's about as much as I know about it. It looks pretty demanding. Have you started clogging again? And I don't mean the toilet
    (ha ha I still love that joke from your blog!).

  • At 6:34 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    I've heard Shoji's bathrooms are fabulous. Hardly anyone comments on the show - only the bathrooms. My parents saw him back when he first came to Branson which was sometime around the turn of the century, right?

    My sister got me the Dutton Button one year for Christmas. I've never seen them either. And I only break the button out on special occasions.

    No, I haven't started clogging again. Paying the now double fees for Sam's karate is going to take up any extra money for now. I am planning to win the lottery soon as Oklahoma gets one, though. Then I'll for sure start again!


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