Redneck Review

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Happy Birthday, Hillbilly Grandma

Today the boy young'uns and I took Hillbilly Grandma out to
lunch for her birthday. We went to Wendy's, her choice. Only
the best for my mama! None of us had the chili, though.

HG ordered a burger combo, and asked for everything on it
except ketchup and mustard. You guessed it--they put only
ketchup and mustard on it. HG took it back, and they gave
her another one.

Hubby would have taken a bite out of it before he took it back
to prevent them from serving it to some other customer. He
always squeezes rolls left in the basket too, because he says
they will take them to someone else's table. I tell him he's
nuts (for other reasons than that, too), but he says that's how
restaurants are. I didn't believe him until one time at Sonic I
had just gotten the kids' food sorted out and the waitress
tapped on my car window. I just about jumped out of my
skin. I rolled it down, and she said, "I need your burger back."


"I need your burger. We gave you the wrong one."

I hadn't even opened it yet, but I gave it back, and she handed
me another one. Then I got to did they know it
was wrong? Did the other customer open his burger and
complain? Did someone else have his hands all over this one,
and they were giving it to me now? I couldn't eat it. Why did
they want mine back? Because they were going to give it to
the complainer!
Otherwise, they would have just let me have it
and wait to see if I complained too. I can understand if I had
been the first to complain, they might take the burger so people
don't run a scam and get two burgers out of them for the price
of one. But I didn't complain, and they wanted it back. That's
just wrong!

Getting back to HG's birthday...after lunch we went shopping
at Goodwill. I had never been there before, but Hillbilly Grandma
went a couple weeks ago with her neighbor and got some fine
jewelry. She said we should go sometime, that people line up
at the door and wait for them to open. I have a lot of stuff that
I need to get rid of, so we were going to ask about their drop-off
hours and tax-receipt policy. I usually take stuff to the school
nurse or social worker, but hey, it's summer. I have also given
stuff to the local ministerial alliance, but they never seem to be
open any more, and put up a gate because people were going
through the dropped-off stuff after hours. Now you may wonder,
"How poor do you have to be to steal something that these
workers are going to charge you a nickel or a dime for?" Well,
it was people taking it to sell at flea markets, not the people
who needed it.

Getting back to HG's birthday excursion...she took a cart into
Goodwill to push #2 son while he played his GameBoy. That
sure does cut down on the whining. He wanted a Rugrats Video
($2.95). I found 3 books for myself, and Where the Red Fern
Grows for #1 son (4 x $0.75). Then I found a wooden bill &
letter holder ($2.95). #2 son decided he had to have a wireless
keyboard ($3.95). And I got a 1-inch 3-ring binder ($0.95).
Hillbilly Grandma picked up a roll of burlap ($0.95). She said,
"I don't know what I'll use this for, but I'm afraid that when I
come back, they'll all be gone." Maybe she's planning to make
us all new hillbilly clothes.

My sister wouldn't be caught dead in Goodwill. She won't
even go in the Dollar Store. If there's something she wants,
she sends HG to get it for her. She won't shop at Save-A-Lot
either. She is married to the Mayor of Hicksville, which is the
next town over from Redneckland. Don't be putting on airs
with me, Missy! I remember when you were just a little
scraggly-haired redneck girl yourself!

After we took HG home, she decided she would come out
to our house for a ride from #1 son in his $300 car. The
boy young'uns rode with her. When they got here, she noticed
she didn't have her purse, and thought she must have left it in
her garage. Then she wondered if she had left the garage door
open, so she worried about that. After a few rides around the
field, she decided she had to get going back to town. I asked
if she needed me to pin her name and address on her shirt in
case something happened on the way home, she could be
identified. She said "No," and "Thanks for a wonderful birthday."

Doesn't take much to please us rednecks, unless you are married
to the mayor.

I just called Hillbilly Grandma to see if she made it home OK.
She did, and found her purse in the garage. The door was
closed. But....

HG took her roll of burlap to show her neighbor what a great
buy she got, and Neighbor said, "Oh, you shouldn't have. I don't
know what I'll do with it, but I really like it." HG said after that,
she didn't have the heart to say it was really hers, she was just
showing it off. So she is going back tomorrow to get another
one. I bet she gets two.


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