Spreading the Redneck Heritage

Big Blogger Challenge #7

Big Blogger Rebecca has given us a new assignment. Since I
have been nominated AGAIN this week, I must go all out on
this challenge, which is to complete the following sentence:

"If I were Big Blogger, I would... first of all, put on cowboy
boots and a cowboy hat (and nothing else) and dance under
the light of the full moon, shooting a shotgun into the air and
hooting "I'm Big Blogger and you're not!" Then I would swear
to give preference to the women housemates, because we all
know it's a man's world outside the house. I would use my
Big Blogger power to spread my Redneck Culture to all parts
of the world.

I would issue weekly challenges to the housemates, requiring
them to:

1. Whistle "Dixie" while cookin' me up some vittles, including
but not limited to, a gourmet possum dish, moonshine, and a
Mississippi Mud Cake.

2. Smooth the wrinkles out of a bloodhound so he will look
more purtier.

3. Decorate the interior of my outhouse so I will feel at home,
and tell me what to use for toilet paper that ain't store-boughten.

4. Carve their own corncob pipe and grow their own tobaccy
(none of the wacky stuff allowed.) The first one to take a puff
wins this challenge.

5. Draw their family tree so I can shake it to find out if a
Grandpa-Dad or Uncle-Brother falls out.

6. Chase a rabbit in the middle of the night over at their (choose
one) boyfriend's/girlfriend's house (as seen on TLC TV.) The
one who does not fall down the sewer hole wins this one.

7. Listen to The Bellamy Brothers Greatest Hits for 24 hours
nonstop. The playlist consists of:

Let Your Love Flow
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me
You Ain't Just Whistlin' Dixie
Sugar Daddy
Dancin' Cowboys
Lovers Live Longer
Do You Love As Good As You Look
For All The Wrong Reasons
Get Into Reggae, Cowboy
Redneck Girl (and not the Gretchen Wilson version!)

What the housemates won't know is that they are all on
Double-Secret Probation for the entire contest. Anyone
who uses the phrases toga party, or mind if we dance wif yo'
dates, or fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life
will immediately be asked to leave the cyberhouse.

I will also ask each one what they will give me as a bribe
in order to win absolutely nothing. Because I can.

That concludes my Big Blogger fantasy.