Redneck Review

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Out of-R-Mines Pizza

There is a business in town called Out of-R-Mines Pizza. I have
a problem with that. Several problems, in fact, and I don't mind
sounding like a Jerry Seinfeld stand-up routine as I complain
about them.

Why would someone choose this name for their pizza
shop? I understand that we used to be one of the world's
top lead-mining areas. Is this what they're getting at?
Out of-R-Mines Pizza? Are we supposed to believe that
ingredients for the pizza are really mined? Because you'd
better think again, mister. Lead is highly toxic. When I
worked for the state unemployment agency, we had people
come in that had lost their jobs because their blood lead
levels got too high. Just from not washing their hands between
working and lunch. They had to change clothes for lunch, too,
because of the lead dust. So this is not a very appetizing thought
for someone who wants to eat some pizza. Just try serving me
some lead, buddy, and I'll sue your behind until I own your little
pizza shop. And the first thing I'll do is change the name, then
I'll stop serving lead in my pizzas.

Maybe the owners wanted it to mean Out-of-Our-Minds Pizza.
This idea is not much better. Are they all raving lunatics? Do
the waiters run around like that cuckoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs bird?
Nice ambience. Mental patients cooking and serving pizza. Do
they hire from the local asylum? Or, as we call it around here,
Number 4? Here's a little mental illness joke for you...A new
attendant at the mental hospital takes the patients out to work
in the garden. He tries to make small talk, and asks one of the
inmates, "Do you put manure, or fertilizer, on your strawberries?"
The patient looks at him with a frown. "Well, mister, I put sugar
on mine, but I'm crazy."

Look at their punctuation. I may be a redneck hillbilly, but I
think there should be a hyphen between the first two words,
also. Are they trying to say they are "out" of the kind of pizza
called "of-R-Mines," or is the whole phrase supposed to
describe the pizza?

I will try to get a picture of this establishment tomorrow so I
can put it at the beginning of this post.


  • At 6:39 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    Hi Hillbilly Mum,
    Great post, with work like this, I think you will be staying in the BB house for a while.
    Oh and BTW, sorry for spelling your name with a "U" instead of an "O". I just can't get the English spelling out of my system. :-)

  • At 8:48 PM, Blogger Redneck Diva said…

    Having grown up in the same town as the nation's largest superfund site, I know entirely too much about lead. We played on the chat piles behind my Nana's house any time we got the chance. My sister and I have joked before that we'd probably be in MENSA if we hadn't played so much in the lead-laced chat. Damn.

    I agree, I don't want a thing to do with lead pizza. Sits heavy on my stomach. I slay me.


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